Time Bomb
by MRS.waitforit.STARK
Summary: With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's." The Avenger's attempt at team chemistry and talking about their feelings.
1. Teamwork

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not_ to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** –This is going to be fun. Nothing better than The Avengers, who have sooo much chemistry (Heavy sarcasm there), stuck in Tony Stark's Malibu home

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter One: Teamwork  
_I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no. We're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're… We're a time-bomb! _

* * *

It has been less than three days since the alien invasion and Nick Fury was already assembling them for another meeting. To be quite honest, all Tony Stark really wanted to do was sleep and that was saying something. Tony prefers staying up. Nick Fury had called them all last night and told them to meet up at base outside of New York City the next morning at 8. He had also invited Pepper.

So the next morning Tony reluctantly crawled out of bed and attempted to persuade Pepper to call him in sick, which only made them very late. Pepper hates tardiness.

"Tony, seriously, did you have to fight me like a child this morning?" Pepper scolded as they walked through the SHEILD base "We are a half an hour late! You know I hate being late because you walk in a-".

" – And everyone stares, I know Pepper." He had heard this lecture a thousand times. "Relax, it's just a bunch of guys with mental issues and one chick with a serious fear of commitment"

Pepper rolled her eyes and opened the door to the debriefing room and ushered Tony in first. "You're late." Director Fury stood at the head of the room and every person present turned to stare.

"Uh, yes, I am. But I believe I have a get-out-of-jail-free card because all of these losers live here and I had to beat morning traffic." Tony smirked, removing the sunglasses from his eyes.

"Shut your mouth and sit down." Fury rolled his eyes. Pepper quickly sat between Tony and a scary looking guy with _fantastic_ blonde hair, also known as Thor, God of Thunder. When she glanced in his direction, he gave her a toothy smile.

"Thanks, Tony." She turned her attention to Tony, hissing sarcastically at him. "He hates me and he doesn't know me."

"Relax, he hates me more." Tony rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and pulled out his phone.

"Really?" she hissed, anger causing her to flush red again. "I wouldn't have guessed it."

"You know, I wouldn't have guessed it either, I'm very likable."

"Are you two finished yet?" Fury scowled. Pepper's blush deepened.

"Pepper, quiet, the teacher is talking." Tony pressed a few buttons and Director Fury's screens went blank and rock music began to blare through the speakers. "That's more like it."

"Turn it OFF!" Fury shouted along with some strong and vulgar swears. A few taps on his phone and the debriefing meeting was back to peace, quiet and order.

"Mood music." Tony shrugged, shoving the phone in his pocket. "The Fung Shui in this room is terrible and it's throwing off my qi."

"I'll throw off your qi." Natasha Romanoff growled.

"Seriously, Stark. This could be really important!" Captain Obvious finally burst.

"Oh, really, well I just thought we were here to talk about our feelings." Tony gave Steve a wide shit-eating grin.

"Would you two just shut up?" The fiery redhead slammed her hand down, causing the whole table to shake.

Hawkeye and Thor both began to laugh. "Silly Earthlings!" Thor thundered.

"Tony, behave yourself!" Pepper scolded.

"Would you people let me get a word in edgewise!" Fury shouted.

The room quieted. "Now. This is simply a follow-up meeting on the most recent mission involving Loki and the Chitauri. Clean-up of New York is well underway and the people thank you." Silence followed this statement. "And, despite however many fans you seem to be attracting, SHEILD has agreed that it would be best for you all to lay low until New York is stable and the negative attention you are also attracting dies down."

Clint Barton groaned. "Where are you sending me?"

Fury ignored the whiny marksman and moved on. "Which brings me to my next point; your team chemistry and ability to work together is absolutely atrocious."

Tony snorted. "We all know I don't play well with others." He reminded the group.

"Self obsessed." Rogers remarked, raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up, Captain Asshat, you tend to pick unnecessary fights." Tony responded. "You're not so innocent and pristine as everyone chalks you up to be."

"My point exactly!" Fury raised his voice. "Which is why I have chosen for you where you will be staying." He cleared his throat. "Stark Tower will serve as the new Avenger's base, but being as it isn't livable… you will be spending the summer at Tony Stark's Malibu home."

"All of us? Together" Dr. Banner finally spoke up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…. That Malibu mansion is _mine_." Tony sat on the edge of his seat angrily; Tony was all eyes and ears whenever the situation involved his things.

"I would prefer being homeless." Natasha scowled.

"It's not your decision." Fury answered calmly.

"Um, no can do, Pirate Fury. You see, the Malibu home is… broken!" Tony shook his head. "A damn shame, I was looking forward to a sausage fest sleepover."

Pepper scowled at Tony, "The Malibu home is fine, Director Fury."

"Okay, who invited Pepper? Anyone? I didn't." You could practically hear the gears grinding in Tony's head as he desperately tried to back out of this situation. "Beside, Malibu really isn't the place for a bunch of freaks to lay low."

"I was thinking the same thing." Banner rubbed his temples.

"Where is this Malibu?" Thor asked.

"Quiet!" Fury ordered. "It's final, you will stay together and you will work to improve your relationship. You will reconcile your differences, you will learn to handle your personal issues and you _will_ learn to get along. Whether you like it or not, you are a public image now and the people _look up to you_. We cannot have a group of 'superheroes' who act like _five_ year olds! We cannot afford that bad image!" He took a deep breath. "Now, tonight Loki and Thor return to Asgard where the trial will take place. Thor will eventually return and we are relocating Darcy Lewis and Jane Foster. Stark, Banner and Foster –" He paused, passing out larger files. "- will be working on rebuilding the Bifrost for easy transportation on Thor's part."

Tony opened the file, pursed his lips while reading, and then burst into laughter. "You want us to build a magical rainbow bridge?" He laughed.

"Exactly!" Thor thundered happily.

Fury ignored the interruption and continued. "After Thor and Loki have left with the tesseract, you will pack up and your flight is scheduled to leave at 8 o'clock tonight." He looked at Tony. "Don't be late."

Tony closed the file and leaned back in his seat, accepting defeat. "I hate sharing." He moaned.

Fury actually cracked a small smile. "You are dismissed." He swiftly left the room.

Thor interrupted the silence by extending a strong hand towards Pepper. "Fair maiden, I am pleased to finally acquire your acquaintance."

Pepper shook his hand smiling. "Pleased to meet you as well." He flashed another happy grin.

"Pepper, my life is ruined!" Tony whined.

"I beg to differ… _my_ life is ruined." Natasha crossed her arms scowled at nothing in particular.

Tony scowled. "Comon… Banner, Pepper, let's go."

"Wait, where am I going?" Bruce stood up nervously, compulsively jittering about, fidgeting with his jacket and wire frame glasses.

"Uh, let's go do science." Tony replaced the sunglasses onto his face. Bruce and Pepper had no choice really but to follow him. Once Tony was outside the temporary Helicarrier SHEILD base, he turned, lifting his phone up and tapping a few buttons. Hard rock once again began blasting through the speakers. "Now we can leave."

Later that afternoon, Tony and Bruce handed the tesseract to Thor and a bounded Loki. Barton, Rogers and Romanoff watched with stony expressions as they disappeared. Tony made a stupid remark and they each went off in their own direction to pack for what was sure to be an interesting flight.

* * *

It was 8:15 and the plane was still sitting on the tarmac. Natasha Romanoff checked her watch again and sighed. The luxury private jet they were sitting in looked more like a living room than a plane. On the back wall was a huge flat screen with the Stark Industries logo swiveling in place. Across from her sat Clint Barton playing _Angry Birds_ on one of Stark's cell phones.

"Dammit!" He cursed. "Stupid pigs – Stop laughing at me!"

Across the aisle sat a stoic Steve Rogers in his simple brown plaid shirt and across from him sat a neurotic Bruce Banner. Tony Stark sat behind Steve and was bouncing like a five year old on his knees. He was twisted around in his seat, speaking rapidly to Banner about new suit ideas.

Pepper sat across from him, one hand plugging an ear, a cell phone pressed up against her other ear. "No, Mr. Stark does not have a comment on the recent events in New York…..Yes, I am aware that he nearly died…. Mr. Stark does not make birthday party appearances…"

Tony turned to face his girlfriend. "Depends how much money they are willing to pay me."

"No." Pepper said immediately.

The fasten seatbelt sign flashed and Natasha sighed happily. Everyone turned off and pocketed various electronics – well, excluding Rogers who had given up and pulled out a book.

It was silent until the plane was steady and in the air. The fasten seatbelt sign shut off and they all visibly relaxed into a more comfortable position. Tony pulled out his phone and managed to get on everyone's nerves immediately. "Pepper, I'm bored!"

"It's a six hour flight, Tony. I'm sure you can find some way to entertain yourself." Pepper said smoothly, toying around with what look like a Kindle. Tony only typed even faster onto his translucent cell phone.

Natasha turned her attention to the sleepy agent across from her. "Barton, remind me why we agreed to this?"

"Nothing we can't handle." He replied, his eyes still shut.

"We weren't trained to deal with overgrown children." Natasha pulled the shade shut on her window.

"Training, shamaining, it's all relative." Barton yawned. "For example, you are trained to be seductive, calculating and completely boring. I'm impulsive and when I have time off, about as fun as a bouncy house. I'm also socially awkward. We complete each other. Together, you can be the disciplinary action and I'll be the fun parent."

"I'm not playing house, Barton." Their light banter was interrupted by a happy whoop from Tony Stark.

"Would you look at that? I just broke into my own security system! Sonofabitch!" Tony laughed. "Jarvis, what is the weakness?"

Somewhere behind Natasha, Rogers asked "What is a Jarvis?"

"Sir," The disembodied voice sounded miniscule coming out of the mini speaker on Stark's phone. "Perhaps you are just too smart for your own security tactics."

"Don't worry, Steve. It's just Tony's phone." Bruce reassured the totally-freaked-out super soldier.

"It speaks?" Steve howled.

Tony nodded. "True. Jarvis, you are the real genius here." He tossed the phone in Natasha's direction. "Heads up, Agent Scary, test out my security efforts."

Natasha rolled her eyes and began to mess with the firewall. Clint absolutely crashed; he was out like a light. Tony struggled to get comfortable.

"Pepper, I'm bored!" Tony whined again.

"Get some sleep, Tony." Pepper suggested.

"Ugh, you are no help." Tony turned his attention to stare intently at Natasha while she typed. Steve stared out the window of the plane. Bruce stood to get a blanket out of the cupboard above his head. Barton snorted loudly in his sleep.

Suddenly the phone blared a warning signal. Barton jumped up, hitting his head with an audible crack. "Mother –" Natasha dropped the phone, startled, as though it had started on fire. The phone thunked on the carpeted floor and vibrated briefly before the screen went black. Tony picked it up. "Huh." He tossed the phone into the garbage and produced a new one from a pocket.

"Jarvis, pull up Netflix."

Barton settled back into his seat. "Goddammit, Stark, you're gonna kill us all."

Tony ignored him and flipped through the title on the huge screen on the back wall. Natasha leaned back in her seat and checked her watch. 10 o'clock, New York time. They still had four hours; they were somewhere over Kentucky right now.

"What is _Hoarders?_" Tony asked no one in particular, but Jarvis answered anyway.

"It is a reality TV show depicting the lives of various people ailed with mental disorders causing them to compulsively hoard unnecessary objects." Jarvis rattled off.

"Hmm." Tony selected the title and Natasha rolled her eyes.

"That show is disgusting." Pepper protested. "And it's just horrible how Americans find it entertaining to watch these poor people with these horrible mental issues…" Tony interrupted her.

"Episode 1: _A man faces eviction because his house is full of garbage and human feces._" Tony read. "That sounds perfectly entertaining and hilarious. Lets watch it."

"Whatever, I'm going to catch some sleep." Pepper answered.

Half way through _Hoarders_, Tony crashed on the plush floor of the jet. Bruce buried deeper under the fleece blanket and even Natasha managed to doze off. This left poor Steve Rogers alone, staring horrifyingly at the TV screen, wondering _What the hell happened to my country!_

* * *

**Well, that was certainly fun and entertaining. **

**To those of you who may be wondering what happened to my current **_**Harry Potter **_**fic…. Well, it's a work in progress. Right now I can't seem to get the Avengers out of my head! **

**Please Review. It makes the gears in my head turn at rapid speeds. **


	2. Casa del Stark

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not _to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** – Thank you everyone! All the Story Alerts were fantastic! There were at least 60 of them! And 15 reviews for the first chapter? I couldn't be any happier! This is undoubtedly my most successful story as of yet! Keep it up!

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter Two: Casa del Stark  
_I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. Including occasionally taking out the trash_

* * *

"Welcome to Casa del Stark!" Tony opened his arms wide in a dramatic gesture. Tony walked forward, shedding his jacket and sunglasses. "Good to be home."

Steve Rogers followed his eccentric teammate around the corner and into the huge and modernistic room. He took in the futuristic furniture, the huge television, and the fountain in the middle of the room that quite honestly got on his nerves.

"Welcome home, sir." Jarvis spoke. Steve jumped as the disembodied voice spoke, much louder than it was on the plane. It almost seemed as though the house was speaking…

"Jarvis, we have guests!" Tony announced, disappearing behind the bar and the sound of clinking glassware followed him.

"Nice to see you again, Agent Romanoff." The voice spoke. "And Welcome to Malibu, Captain Rogers, Agent Barton, and Dr. Banner. I hope you all find everything to your liking."

_"The fuck?"_ Barton muttered. "It can see us?" He twisted around, staring up into the various nooks and corners, searching for cameras… or a pair of eyes.

Tony reappeared with a bottle of scotch and a couple of short and stout glasses. "It's an Artificial Intelligence system."

"He runs the house." Pepper added, click-clacking her way into the living room. She was followed by a couple men in suits. They were carrying the various bags that belonged to the strange group. "You'll get used to him."

"Your house is a robot!" Steve shouted. Steve couldn't wrap his head around that. He felt like he was being watched and couldn't shake the fact that Tony Stark frequently has conversations with his walls.

"Artificial Intelligence System." The accented computer program corrected.

"And it can't see you, Barton, now get over here and have a drink." Tony finished.

"Right, Thanks Happy." Pepper acknowledged one of the men-in-suits and turned to Tony, placing her hands on her hips. "Tony, is that necessary?"

"What, a drink? Yes. Very necessary." Tony offered a glass to Clint; he declined, and Tony shrugged, drinking it as well as his own.

Pepper turned to the awed Avengers. "Okay, let me show you to your rooms." Pepper led them over to the staircase. She gestured down a hallway leading toward the backside of the house. "There are two guest rooms on the floor level, and three on the second level. Each has their own bathrooms. Any preference?"

"I couldn't care less." Natasha muttered and walked away.

"Let's avoid her." Clint decided and headed up the stairs. If you head up the curved stairs, you land on the second floor with two options. You could go left and continue up to the third floor – "Up there is Tony's bedroom and my office, and … well, I suppose you could call it Tony's office." – Or you could head right and go down a wide hallway.

Pepper pointed out where the three bedrooms were and that the fourth door was a rec room. Banner and Barton just claimed a door leaving the room closest to the stairs open. Steve opened the door, found the light switch, and sighed.

"Is everything alright, Captain?" Pepper asked from behind him.

"Yeah… I just wish there was a little less technology." He replied lightly.

Pepper smiled. "This is _Tony_ we're talking about."

* * *

Steve Rogers still ran on a military schedule; it was all ritual. Get up early, beat the hell out of punching bag, shower then eat. However, with the combined jetlag and his inability to fall asleep last night – blasted alarm clock – Steve allowed himself to sleep in.

However, he still managed to wake up before everyone else in the house – almost.

He woke up with his usual _holy crap, future _gasp. He sighed and threw on some clothes, walking over to the wall of glass, and staring down into what could only be described as a perfect cerulean ocean.

He shook his head and walked downstairs where he surprisingly found Pepper awake, dressed and busy in the kitchen.

"Good morning, Miss." Steve said politely.

"Oh!" Pepper jumped. "You startled me!"

"I'm sorry." He said sincerely.

"Oh don't be, I'm just… making _something_ for breakfast." She went back to digging around in the fridge. Steve watched her for a moment, stretching and yawning for good measure.

"Could I help you?"

"Sure!" Pepper pulled out a carton of eggs and a fresh onion. "Do you know how to make omelets?"

Less than five minutes later, Pepper and Steve were harmoniously chopping vegetables while listening to – and thank god – music from his time. Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters cooed out of the speakers in the kitchen and to Steve's surprise, Pepper hummed along.

"Your music choice is darby compared to Tony's!" Steve smiled.

"Darby?" Pepper questioned.

Steve resisted the urge to slap his forehead. "My apologies, ma'am, I sometimes catch myself talking with 1940s slang."

"You can call me Pepper. I'll have none of this 'ma'am' business." Pepper smiled.

Steve chuckled before taking a serious tone again. "How long have you known Tony for now?" It shocked Steve how different the pair was from one another. Pepper was sweet and quiet while Tony was loud and stuck-up. Plus, the man is on active duty! Pepper was quite the dame.

"Um, I suppose it would be almost 13 years now." _Three of those spent in a semi-stable relationship_, she added mentally.

Steve whistled. "That's a mighty long time." He paused. "How do you stand him?" At first he didn't even realize that he had thought aloud. When he realized the offending situation, he blushed and began to stutter. "I mean, well, I was just th-thinking that maybe –"

Pepper laughed. "It's alright Steve. I know better than anyone that Tony can be a bit much at times."

"That's an understatement." Steve whispered under his breath.

Pepper's smile faltered a little. She knew that Steve and Tony didn't get along… Correction, none of the Avengers got along. That's why they were in this situation in the first place. However, she always had chalked that to minor disagreements; almost similar to a sibling rivalry. It was becoming clear to Pepper that the issues between Steve and Tony were nothing simple… It was pure hostility. She had a feeling that it would all lead back to Howard Stark.

"Tony isn't that bad once you get to know him." Pepper offered. "He definitely has his moments, but he's a good person."

"Tony can be decent when the time calls for it." Steve shook his head. "I just suppose we were always destined to clash. I was raised on selflessness and the act of doing something for the benefit of others. And he is –"

"Self centered, I know." Pepper asked Jarvis to turn down the music. She peered into the living room, focusing her attention on the stair leading up, cocking her head and listening for the sounds of awaking Avengers. She returned, speaking softer. "A lot of the things that Tony says or does stems directly from his childhood." Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Pepper held up a finger. "I know the type of relationship you had with Mr. Stark. There's a lot more to it, but it isn't my place to tell you. That is a conversation for you and Tony." Pepper and Steve held eyes for a good long moment of hard silence. "Resume, Jarvis."

Bing Crosby filled the silence for awhile. Steve thought long and hard about this new information. Was it possible that Howard Stark, a man he always thought to be like a second father, treated Tony in a way that would make him self-destructive at times? Or what else did Steve not know? He was weighing the pros and cons about bringing this up to Tony later today when Pepper spoke once more.

"Also, a word of caution, don't mention Mr. Stark to Tony. Ever."

Before Steve could consider this warning, The Avengers begin to pile into the kitchen, following their noses to the scent of food. Natasha sat herself at the counter making light conversation with Pepper. Clint hovered by Steve while Steve flipped an omelet in the pan. Bruce and Tony soon followed, both fully dressed and looking the most alert of the group.

Tony stopped dead at the sight of Natasha. He covered his eyes then opened them again, squinting at her. "Huh. I forgot what you look like in people clothes. It's weird; I'm used to skintight leather." Natasha scowled much to Tony's delight.

Natasha's eyes lit up. "The repairmen did a great job with the place, Tony." Tony's grin disappeared and he waved his hand.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Repairman?" Clint questioned. "What happened?"

"Tony had a party and drank a little too much." Natasha smirked.

"It was my birthday!" Tony retorted.

"He was in the Iron Man suit. And he could barely stand, he was that drunk." Pepper added.

"I was dying!" Tony protested.

"He choose to get in a fight with his friend who was had put on one of the previous Iron Man suits – They leveled half the house."

"Rhodey started it." He grumbled.

"Tony, you peed in the suit!" Pepper reminded.

Tony paused, digging into his omelet, chewing and swallowing before he answered. "Details…"

"Please, not while I'm eating." Steve shook his head.

Tony ignored him, "What's on the agenda today, Miss Potts?"

"It's Saturday." Pepper reminded him. Tony had a knack for having no clue what day of the week, much less what month they were on. "I suggest that you give your guests a house tour so they know where things are."

Tony groaned. "But Pepper, that's why I hired _you_!"

Regardless of the complaining and griping Tony dished out all breakfast long, he found himself leading the group of misfit superheroes down the stairs unhappily. "This is my lab." He pointed through the glass doors.

"What is all that stuff?" Steve asked, wide-eyed, like a doe. He peered through the glass at all the screens, gizmos and widgets that seemed to be moving on their own accord.

"Is your name Tony Stark or Bruce Banner?" Tony sneered.

"N-" Steve began, only to be cut off by Tony.

"Then you have no business knowing. Rule number uno: The lab is off limits. To all of you. So don't bother me or Brucey." Tony led them away from doors before Steve had an aneurism. "Through those doors –" He gestured to heavy oak doors "- is the Athletic Parlor, the Rumpus room… Thee… Anyway, if you need to blow off some steam, I will lock you in there."

"What does 'Rumpus Room' entitle?" Clint asked.

"Hell if I know." Tony laughed. "It's got some machines, weights and what not."

Tony reached the end of the hallway where a couple of glass doors lead to the backyard and two more oak doors sat closed. "What's it like outside?"

All of the Avengers opened their mouths to answer Tony, but a synthetic British accent beat them to the punch. "It is a beautiful day, Sir; there is a high of 85 and not a cloud in sight."

"Shit, I forgot about that thing." Clint shuddered. "Tony, why couldn't you have a less creepy house?"

"Hey, Jarvis is not creepy." Tony scowled. "Through those doors is my personal viewing room." He pointed to the oak doors. "Again, don't touch unless I give you permission. It cost a fortune… both times."

"What do you do in a viewing room?" Steve asked hesitantly.

"You view things." Tony wise assed.

"It's like a movie theater but in your house." Bruce offered.

"You have a picture theater in your house?" Steve face lit up. "I haven't seen a talking picture in _ages_."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Outside is the pool. Use it whenever you want. The rest of the house is pretty much the living room, the kitchen and bedrooms. Questions?"

"Wait, so, is this Jarvis character in the bathrooms?" Clint asked.

"Ugghhhh, Jarvis _is_ the house." Tony grounded out, leading the group back upstairs.

"So… He can see us naked?"

"NO!" Tony shouted. "Jarvis can't see you and even if he could, he wouldn't watch you shower or shit!"

"It is true, Agent Barton, I am not a pervert." Jarvis answered.

Once in the living room again, Tony was bombarded with more questions. "Tony, if your Television screen has no dials or buttons, now does it work?" Steve questioned.

"Use the remote!" Tony tossed the sleek button covered object at Steve, who in the process caused the TV to white out on full volume. Tony efficiently shut down the offending noise.

It was quiet for a moment while Tony took a few deep breaths.

"Wait, so, if Jarvis can't see us, then why d-" Clint was cut off short.

"HE CAN'T SEE YOU!" Tony screeched. Steve pressed another button turning on ACDC full volume. "ROGERS, SET THE DAMN REMOTE DOWN!"

Steve set the mystical "ree-mote" down and backed away from it slowly.

Bruce raised his hand quietly.

"Yes, Banner, you have permission to speak." Tony said through clenched teeth.

"I was just wondering if the Rumpus Room is Hulk proof." Bruce could hardly get the question out without laughing. Hell, if Tony can get on everyone's nerves, its time they gave him a taste of his own medicine.

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Rumpus Room is off limits to creatures of green origins."

* * *

Oh my golly goodness!

Sorry for the filler-ness of this chapter, that's why it took me forever to write! I struggled with this one, but I think I like it.

Thank you guys so much for the excellent response to the first chapter! Keep it up, por favor!

**1940s Slang:**  
Darby - Something Good  
Active Duty - A sexually promiscuous man


	3. Brethren in Arms

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not _to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** – The response to this story continues to be so great! :) thank you all!

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter Three: Brethren in Arms  
_For lack of a better option, Dummy is still on fire safety. If you douse me again, and I'm not on fire, I'm donating you to a city college._

* * *

Bruce Banner did not understand Nick Fury's logic. Did Fury really believe that if he forced the Avengers into one house that they would spend the summer talking about their feelings? Was Bruce really the only person who could see the ticking time bomb that was the Avengers?

Apparently so. Even if they were a group of misfit psychos, it did not take long for them to settle into a sort of routine; a calm and quiet system. This routine was based solely on tolerance and an unspoken agreement to make the best of things. They merely tolerated each other.

A day in Malibu went something like this: mornings started bright and early for the whole team. Pepper was out of the house by 7 every morning to go run what was left of Stark Industries. Tony sometimes didn't even leave the lab to sleep, and no matter how sleep deprived he was, he always managed to kiss Pepper goodbye and show Bruce whatever it was that kept him up all night; all before crashing on the living room floor.

Steve Rogers still ran on a military schedule. He was the earliest riser of all, and on the occasion when Bruce couldn't sleep, he would watch Steve leave the house before the sun even rises and began jogging down the beach. Natasha and Clint both were much like Bruce. Sleep did not come easy, nor did it stick around for very long.

They also went about their daily lives on toleration terms. Tony and Bruce easily corralled themselves into the lab and worked. They cooperated with the current situation for the sake of science. Plus, Bruce considered Tony his closest friend. Natasha, Clint and Steve all spent their time in a simple truce for the sake of staying in shape. They often sparred together in what Tony so lovingly called the Rumpus Room.

Things were actually sort of peaceful, as far as Bruce was concerned. He could actually see himself calling this place home. It was still a bit strange being around a group of people who more or less accepted him. He could still see it in their eyes, however. Natasha still avoided spending time with him alone and he often caught Pepper giving him curious looks across the kitchen, and though she wondered just what it would be to set him off this summer.

This simple toleration was about to come to a fast end.

This afternoon would be the return of Thor to Earth and he would move in with Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis. Jane Foster would soon add a feminine to Tony's lab. Thor would soon add an other-worldly vibe to the house and who the hell is Darcy Lewis anyway? All he knew is that Thor insisted and Fury complied.

Bruce walked into the lab to find Tony asleep inside the Mark VIII suit. The helmet piece sat on the table beside him where a set of chains and hooks supported him. Bruce took in the appearance of the drooling and snoring genius. "Tony," Bruce murmured, nudging him gently. To Bruce's surprise, he startled awake almost instantly, setting off one of his repulsors leading to the explosion of one of his many cars.

Bruce straightened from his defensive position, taking deep breaths to slow his racing pulse. He blinked and turned to look at Tony. Tony glanced at Bruce and returned his gaze to the smoldering remains of the vehicle. "I can fix that."

The glass door swung open revealing a shocked – and angry – Pepper. "What happened? Are you hurt?"

"Help me outta this, Banner." Tony shifted uncomfortably in the armor.

Pepper growled. "Okay, fine, blow shit up! Get yourselves killed! See if I care!" Banner bit his lip, trying hard not to laugh. "And when you're done, please help me bring in the groceries."

"You know, I can't recall if she has ever sworn before." Tony grunted as Bruce helped him unscrew the many metal pieces that made up the prototype Mark VIII. Once Tony was free he walked over to the wreck. "Dummy, get over here so I can attach the fire safety piece."

Bruce shook his head, reminding himself that Tony was talking to a machine and not him. "Well, Pepper has to deal with a lot from you."

Tony laughed while supervising Dummy put out the flames.

"What's with all the Pop-Tarts?" Bruce asked less than 15 minutes after the flames had been put out. Seriously, this had to be the 5th or 6th grocery bag full of Pop-Tarts he has carried into the kitchen.

"I spoke with Jane Foster on the phone this morning." Pepper spoke, her voice muffled from behind the fridge door where she was desperately trying to fit 5 gallons of milk. "She warned me against having an inadequate supply of Pop-Tarts and coffee."

"So, Point Break has a taste for breakfast pastries?" Tony smirked.

"He seems to have a never ending appetite." Pepper groaned.

"BRETHREN IN ARMS!" Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. They rounded the corner to greet the Norse God, who strode in with arms extended and a grin larger than life. "I HAVE RETURNED TO GLORIOUS MIDGARD TO ENJOY THIS WARM SEASON WITH YOU!"

Bruce winced at Thor's booming voice.

"THOR!" Tony shouted back. "MUST YOU THUNDER ABOUT?"

Thor chuckled. "Friend Stark, thundering is my specialty." Behind him entered two women who were chattering excitedly. Thor took the taller woman's hand happily. "Brethren, it is my great honor to introduce Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis of New Mexico."

They shared greetings. However, Darcy just smirked at Bruce and Tony. "No need for introductions, boys, I know exactly who you two are." She laughed. "I wrote a couple papers on the both of you."

Tony snorted. "You have no idea how many times I've been told that."

"Don't worry Mr. Stark, I made damn sure to include at least a page on your alcohol problems, your whore mentality, and your ability to make stupid-ass decisions." Darcy cocked her head to the side, as if asking him to challenge her.

Bruce studied Darcy. She was short and screamed attitude. She wore far too many layers for summer in Malibu and there wasn't an ounce of makeup on her face. She had long, dark eyelashes. Her dark brunette hair was in a mess of curls around her face. And for the sweet love of baby kittens, she had the guts to insult not once, but thrice, her billionaire host. Bruce found himself wanting to get to know this woman.

Tony narrowed his eyes. "I'm working on the alcohol thing, and as for the other two items, I prefer the terms 'playboy' and 'eccentric'. And those, milady, are just a few of the many things that make me awesome."

"Okay!" Pepper interrupted. "Great to see that everyone –" she slapped a hand on Tony's back, silently managing to threaten him "– Is getting along wonderfully."

Thor smiled; Bruce was pretty sure he had no idea that Darcy had already managed to piss off Tony Stark. "This shall be fantastical fun."

* * *

Pepper was forcing them to 'have a nice sit down dinner' and 'get to know each other better' because it was 'what Nick Fury intended us to do.'

At least Pepper can cook.

"So, I have this all planned out." Tony was speaking… as per usual. "When Fury forces us to go out in public and do a talk thing, it will be all levels of amazing. Imagine this…"

"Oh boy." Natasha muttered.

"The stage is pitch-black, and we let the suspense grow because pimply teenagers and horny fan girls alike will eat that up. Then Thor, Big Guy… you will do your lighting hammer routine and BAM music, lights… I dunno, maybe some fireworks." Tony was staring off into space, obviously seeing something the rest of them couldn't. "Somewhere in there, Mr. Spangly Outfit and the Assassins Two will show up…."

"Does he ever stop?" Jane asked Pepper quietly. Pepper just shook her head, mouthing the word 'never'.

"Crap. Okay, scratch that. Before all that happens, we need to develop something the Hulk won't tear up. Nudity is still frowned upon, my green friend." Tony paused to take a bite.

"Whoa, I really disapprove of the Hulk making a public appearance." Bruce spoke up.

"Well, you can't just walk onstage wearing a shirt that says 'woo, I turn green'. That's lame."

"Tony, you really need to stop fantasizing about turning the Avengers into a trademark fandom." Pepper shook her head.

"Men don't fantasize, Pep." Tony disapproved. And then he continued as though no one had even spoken. "And then I land onstage lastly –"

"Why, Friend Stark, would you appear last? It seems unlike you." Thor inquired.

"Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'We saved the best for last'?"

Half the table groaned. "Oh my god, you are so egotistical." Darcy exclaimed. And here we go again, World War 3: an insult fight between Darcy and Tony. "Where do you come up with this stuff anyway?"

"Darcy, I don't always remember my dreams… But when I do, they are fuck awesome!" Tony grinned.

Ladies and Gentleman, Tony's snarkiness has reached a new level.

"Language." Pepper chided Tony's word choice.

"Pep, we are all adults here!" Tony never missed a beat.

"It's offensive!"

"To who?"

Pepper looked around the table. "To Steve!"

The Captain and Tony made eye contact. Steve shrugged. Tony rolled his eyes and sulked. The table came to a sort of reserved silence. There was the sound of silverware scraping ceramic and the gentle thud of a heavy glass being set on the table cloth. If you viewed the scene from the outside looking in, it would almost look like a peaceful dinner.

And then Clint flicked a pea at Natasha and the shit _literally_ hit the fan. Before Pepper could blink, her dining room turned into a war zone.

* * *

Darcy Lewis couldn't sleep. She was still in ultimate shock. _What a day, what a day!_ Not only was she lying on the most comfortable mattress of her short life, but she was laying on said mattress in Tony Stark's house. She had always dreamed of this moment…

Albeit, she had always dreamed it would be Tony's mattress she would be enjoying and not the guest room.

She still couldn't believe it. Tony Stark and the rest of Earth's Mightiest Heroes were sleeping under the same roof as her. **_Awesome._**

She had already crossed a few of the items on her 'Malibu Avenger Vacation to-do' list off in the last 12 hours. She had insulted and threatened Tony. And just when she thought that the day could not get better, she got to witness a master assassin food fight! Granted the mashed potatoes in her hair was not a nice addition, but so totally worth it. And when the shouting and food throwing finally cleared up, she got to see a Pepper Potts meltdown firsthand. She still couldn't believe that the infamous Miss Potts forced the Black Widow and Hawkeye to clean the dining room: ceiling to floor.

Suddenly, lightning lit up her room, chasing away the dark shadows of night and a loud thunder clap followed. Darcy had her phone out in an instant.

**Please tell me that was Thor and thunder is a side effect of his orgasm or something.**

Jane's response was almost too quick.

**It wasn't Thor; he's out like a light. And please… Don't ever use **_**Thor**_** and **_**orgasm **_**in the same sentence again. **

Darcy snickered. **What? He's _Thorgasmic_. ;)**

The next thunderclap got rid of Darcy's smirk in an instant. She needed the radar – and quick. Darcy hated storms. She lived in Nebraska for the first 7 years of her life. She experienced three tornadoes large enough to wreck their town in those 7 years, and one of them had killed her childhood friend.

Unfortunately, Darcy's phone is a pile of crap and doesn't even carry the internet, and her laptop was out in the living room. "Shit." She grabbed her taser and hurried for the living room, lightning following her every footstep; thunder echoing off the high vaulted ceilings.

She would have been just fine – if she hadn't heard the sound of glass breaking in the living room. Darcy edged slowly around the corner, gripping her taser for dear life. Lightning crackled and in the brief lighting, she saw a flash of metal and red hair and _oh shit, Chucky is here to kill her at last! _Someone screamed – probably Darcy.

The lights flipped on to reveal Natasha Romanoff wielding her gun and Darcy Lewis was tasing a chair. Tony stood at the top of the stairs leading to the basement, an amused look on his face. "Well, well, well. _This_ is why women should not be allowed to carry weapons."

Steve Rogers chose that moment to stumble down the stairs, shield in hand; he came to a halt, confusion and exhaustion etched across his face. "I heard someone scream."

Bruce also choose that moment to join the party, running up the stairs behind Tony, asking; "Is someone hurt?"

"Just my chair." Was Tony's response.

Darcy scowled, and righted her taser. Another clap of thunder caused her to jump. "I thought we were being robbed." _By Chucky, a fictional, murderous doll…_

"Natasha, what's your excuse?" Tony asked.

Natasha blinked, suddenly realizing she was still holding up her gun. She lowered her stance, sighing. "I forgot my gun down here." She lied. "Found it." The truth? Tony Stark wasn't allowed to know that her nightmares were particularly bad this very night and that she required vodka.

Tony smiled. "Well, Darcy how about you pull up the radar, because you are scared of storms. Nat, the vodka is on the third shelf - you gave it away by dropping the glass. Plus, you never forget your gun." He gestured to his extensive alcohol cabinet. "Captain, you gonna stick around for ice cream?"

Steve shrugged, lowering his shield. "Might as well."

"Excellent. 5 spoons." Tony disappeared into the kitchen. Natasha scowled, but grabbed the vodka anyway, setting herself on chair knowing that Tony wouldn't let her escape. Darcy quickly grabbed the remote and sat on the edge of the couch, watching the red, yellow and green blobs move across Los Angeles County.

Bruce sat beside her and cleared his throat. "So… You carry a taser often?" _Wow, that was stupid_._ What a ladies man._

Darcy looked up in the softest brown eyes ever. Like mud; but prettier. "Everywhere I go."

Tony returned with a few different ice cream choices and 5 spoons.

"No bowls?" Steve raised an eyebrow.

"Yep. Ice cream is a cure-all medicine and its best administered straight from the carton." Tony smiled and passed out the spoons. "Dig in."

* * *

Pepper woke up to the cutest sight on Earth. The TV was on a low hum and sun streamed through the windows, illuminating the sweetest impromptu sleepover she had ever stumbled upon in Tony Stark's house. (And believe me; Pepper had stumbled across a _ton_ of impromptu sleepovers in her time.)

The coffee table was covered in melted globs of ice cream and five sticky spoons. Natasha was curled into a tight ball on one of the many chairs; her red hair was the only thing peeking out from underneath a fleece blanket. On another chair, Steve was sprawled out and snoring lightly, a bit of chocolate was smudged in the corner of his mouth.

The adorableness doesn't stop there.

On the couch lay Bruce, Darcy and Tony… one on top of the other. Bruce had his arms crossed and still had his glass on. Darcy lay mostly on top of him, her face buried into his chest; another fleece blanket covered them up. Tony lay facing the opposite direction, the lower half of his body lying across the lower half of Darcy's.

Pepper cleaned up the ice cream, removed Bruce's glasses with care, lay a blanked across Steve, pecked Tony on the cheek and took a picture for evidence. She wished she could have stayed and watched them wake up – she was sure they would have freaked at their close proximity to one another.

However, duty calls at Stark Industries.

* * *

D'aww! I think that this mini sleepover involving an ice cream pig-out-session was just too cute for words!

Thank you guys for all your support and love! **Every review makes this story a little more humorous, a little more awesome and a lot more adorable!**


	4. Therapeutic Noodles

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not _to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** – Your reviews are so inspiring!

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter Four: Therapeutic Noodles  
_You know, for a man who's supposed to be avoiding stress, you picked a hell of a place to settle_

* * *

Natasha was having a crappy day. It all started when she was rudely awoken by a slap to the face. Tony had woken up in full panic mode when he came to the realization that – in his sleep, of course – his feet were uncomfortably positioned in-between Darcy's legs. He flipped himself off the couch, effectively slapping Natasha and dragging Darcy on top of him.

Darcy screeched as she landed on parts of Tony that she never wanted to touch again. "Omigod, what _is _that! What are you _doing_?" she screeched. Tony wheezed, clutching at his recently kneed crotch.

Tony sat up slowly, sucking in deep breaths. He rolled his eyes at the mortified Darcy. "It's morning." He was beyond irritated at this point.

The whole situation would have seemed really funny if Natasha wouldn't have been mildly hung over. She had a slight headache, and the Advil and orange juice she had just downed wasn't helping. She was silently watching Steve cook scrambled eggs. The smell of coffee filled the kitchen and the house was officially awake.

One thing The Avengers quickly learned is that they all have different breakfast tastes. Steve always cooks something. Pancakes, waffles, omelets; you name it, he can cook it up. Natasha and Clint have grown quite dependant on Steve's ability as a cook - being on the run their whole lives, they never took the time to learn how to cook the simplest of things. Bruce, as it turns out, has a complete addiction to Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries. Occasionally, Bruce will enjoy Steve's cooking; however, none of the Avengers dare touch the Crunch Berries cereal in the way they never touch Thor's poptarts – which, speaking of, was undoubtedly Thor's breakfast item of choice.

Tony, however, strolls in mid-breakfast and complains loudly that they never leave any food for him. Steve simply began to make extra, because whether or not Tony shows up, Thor will eat anything.

Steve never complained once.

Natasha made it alive through breakfast but her day only declined. Her usual sparring was out of the question with this headache. Things got a bit shaky when she walked into the living room to find Thor's eyes glued to My Little Pony.

"Really?" she asked him.

"FRIEND NATASHA!" Thor boomed with his dopey smile in place. "I have found a wonderful picture on the magic box. I declare that you should watch these ponies and associate yourself with the magic of friendship."

"Thor… that TV show is for little girls." Natasha rubbed her temples.

"Nonsense! Asgardian's pride themselves on having wonderful relationships with horses!" Thor's brow knit together in confusion.

"Where are your friends? Didn't Fury let them stay here to entertain you?" Natasha scowled.

Thor shook his head. "Friend Natasha, I believe you would connect beautifully with Rarity." Natasha rolled her eyes and went off to find Clint, suddenly feeling the need to beat the absolute shit out of him in an act of 'sparring', and this headache can go fuck itself.

* * *

Tony was pretty damn sure that he never wanted to see Darcy Lewis again.

He was in the process of breaking down all things Bifrost related. Jane Foster was chattering excitedly about Einstein-Rosen Bridge. After three cups of coffee he maybe wanted to get some work done.

He watched Bruce carefully draw out plans, formulate calculations and he listened to Jane _talk_; lordy, that woman could _talk_.

Darcy slapped two hands against the glass door of the lab, causing them all to startle. "Let me in, please."

Tony scowled. "You are not authorized to be near the lab!"

Darcy dug in her pocket, pulled out a fifty dollar bill and slapped that against the window. "Let me in, please."

"Jarvis, you heard the woman." Tony snatched the bill as Darcy walked in. "Thank ya. What brings you to my lair?"

"Thor is watching My Little Ponies. I'm bored." Darcy pulled herself up onto a stool next to Bruce, who looked very uncomfortable.

Bruce couldn't exactly pinpoint the moment when he let Darcy get that close to him. It was dangerous and stupid. Somewhere in between the passing of the storm, the late night reruns of _That 70s Show_ and eating so much ice cream, his eyelids grew heavy. Somewhere in between falling asleep and trying to get Tony to stop tickling his ear, he felt the heavy weight of her head lean on him.

He didn't mind. She was warm.

Tony, on the other hand, was _not_ amused. Darcy Lewis, he decided, was a nuisance.

* * *

Steve was having a bad day. He woke up with a crick in his neck and his _holy crap future_ ordeal was lasting longer than usual. He spent all of breakfast quiet and withdrawn; his thoughts were on a horrible, icy nightmare and Peggy Carter. Natasha seemed off as well and her anger only made the atmosphere colder.

After food, he disappeared off to take part in beating a punching bag into oblivion. He released his anger into the compacted sand; punch after punch. He unleashed everything, his punches becoming more and more desperate as his breathing increased; he grunted with the effort.

And then Clint and Natasha stumbled in, barely making it into the ring before they began kicking and punching at each other. Steve left quickly before it turned into something more.

Natasha had a split lip and was clutching her side, breathing heavy. Clint sunk to the floor, icing what was sure to be a nasty black eye. Sweat covered every inch of their bodies. "Who got on your bad side today?"

Natasha licked the blood off her lip. "Everyone."

"Well, I'm sorry." He winced, his eye throbbing beneath the heavenly cold ice.

Natasha sunk to the floor beside him and let her head rest on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I punched you."

Clint just laughed. He let his free hand encase hers. "I'll always be your punching bag, Nat." They sat like that for a long time, just listening to each other's breathing. Natasha eventually stood; "I have to take a shower, I smell like sweat and vodka."

Clint's day was going very fine, thank you for asking.

* * *

When Steve hears someone scream, he responds in the only natural way for him; quickly running to the source. He didn't expect to bang heads with a near naked Natasha once he arrived on the scene. She clutched her towel swore in Russian. Steve clapped his hands over his eyes and blushed violently.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am! I only heard y-you screaming and I wanted to m-make sure you were alright!" Steve stuttered.

Natasha only clutched her towel tighter as Clint and Thor arrived to investigate the noise. Thor clutched Mjölnir tightly. "What's going on here?" Clint asked. Steve refused to uncover his eyes.

Natasha gathered her composure and dignity; "I saw a spider."

Less than ten seconds later, Clint and Thor peered into the bottom of Natasha's tub. Near the drain, a hairy little black thing was desperately trying to crawl up the side of the tub. Clint and Thor shared a look before Thor ever so lightly dropped Mjölnir on the spider. As Clint and Thor left Natasha's room, Clint slapped a hand on Steve's shoulder. "You can stop covering your eyes now."

Natasha barely made it down the stairs to join her team in the living room before Tony stopped her in her tracks. "So… The Black Widow… is scared of spiders." He barely got the statement out before dissolving into laughter.

"Go away, Stark." Natasha growled. A whole day of frustration, irritation, and a stuffy, cooped up feeling seemed to be settling on the team - their moods were strained at best.

"I think, for Christmas, I'll get you a pet tarantu-" This time Tony was not interrupted by his laughter, but by Natasha, who efficiently flipped him onto the floor and poised her knee above his throat.

"Tasha… Let Tony go." Clint held back a chuckle.

Natasha stood and reluctantly helped Tony up.

"Stark, could you shut up for once? No one is in the mood for your bull tonight." Steve's mood had darkened when Tony started taking jabs at his 'prudish attitude' upon finding out Steve's reaction to the near nude assassin.

Tony scowled and decided he needed a drink. Why does everyone have to make such a big deal out of everything? It's a joke. These people are literally killing him. "Uh, I think I can say what I want in my own house."

"It's not like any of us want to be here." Natasha retorted. She was beyond angry at this point.

"Then leave. I'll have Jarvis show you where the door is." Tony was seriously sick of these S.H.I.E.L.D agents. They are all stick-in-the-mud types. Tony didn't like this situation anymore than the rest of them and was just as desperate for the summer to end. There had been a brief moment when he kind of liked his teammates, but then they were forced to live with him.

Steve shook his head. "All I'm asking is that you stop making a joke out of everything. Some things just aren't funny."

"A lot of things are funny, Steve, and you would realize this if you could stop being such a pansy assed, stuck up, bland piece of perfection."

"Friend Stark, perhaps enough has been said." Thor put a hand up in warning.

Tony narrowed his eyes at Steve. "No, I want to know what his problem is. What could you possibly have against me?"

_"Why aren't you like your father?"_

If there had ever been a more deafening silence in Tony's Malibu home before, it was nothing like this. There was an indescribable amount of anger in Tony's eyes and Steve already knew he had said the wrong thing. Bruce stared at the floor, Thor waited for Stark to try and hit somebody, and Clint just wanted to leave. Natasha was mad. They were simply going to order in food, and Stark's mouth goes and ruins that too. Jane and Darcy both had no idea what was honestly happening, but the emotions in the room were suffocating.

"Leave." Tony spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

Steve turned to walk away.

"Wait." Jane Foster stood up meekly, wielding a phone book in one hand and a phone in the other. She was very aware that every person in the room was very capable of killing her at the moment and that the atmosphere certainly called for violence, but she was hungry, dammit. "We should order Chinese."

Tony's face morphed before their eyes, back to a mask of amusement and arrogance. He poured himself a drink. "I know a great place; their rangoons are to die for." Jane handed him the phone, but he shooed her away; after all, that is what Jarvis was created for.

Ten minutes later, the mood picked up. The coffee-table-turned-dining-area was brimming with Chinese and they were in the process of settling on some sort of TV. Steve simply requested that they watch no more 'scary real-tee television' and shuddered at the events on _Hoarders_.

"I should have my own show on the Discovery Channel." Tony declared.

"I do not understand this food of China. Chickens are not orange in color. This food is mislabeled and causes confusion." Thor shrugged and ate it anyway.

"Oh, look, _Big Bang Theory_… your passing it… Tony, gimme the remote!" Darcy reached across Bruce for the sake of her favorite show.

The Avengers quickly learned how to tune each other out.

Pepper walked in having no idea of the events that lead to the expansive Chinese spread in her living, she was only happy that she didn't have to cook anything. She kicked her shoes off and complained to her new friend Jane about the long meetings and dull paper work. Darcy won, and after the show was over, thing got… weird.

"Did you guys go to prom?" Tony asked out of the blue, still munching away.

"WHAT IS PROM?" Thor asked boisterously.

Pepper quickly explained for Thor's sake. "And yes, I attended both my proms."

"I never went. I graduated high school before I was old enough, and they never let me attend." Tony smirked. "It's okay, though. I still lost my virginity in high school."

Bruce shook his head. "I got asked, though."

Natasha and Clint both shook their heads. Neither of them had a very formal education, much less a high school experience.

"In Asgard, we spend much of midsummer dancing and feasting to bring great fertility!" Thor stated proudly.

"For crops, right?" Tony clarified. He had a weird image in his head of Thor dancing around young women to get them pregnant. Thor just gave him a confused look in response. Did Man of Iron think there were other things to fertilize?

"I attended a dance ball with Susan Quincy. I stepped on her foot and she got mad and ignored me the rest of the night." Steve looked confused at the memory.

Then they started drinking.

"Okay, here's an awkward one. First date." Tony pointed at Clint to start.

Clint grinned. "In the orphanage, there was this girl named Carmel. We were friends before anything else, but she called me her boyfriend. She got adopted, though." Clint's smile slowly disappeared as the story went on.

Bruce spoke of a girl named Karen from his neighborhood who was always nice to him. She was the girl who asked him to Prom. After much harping from Tony, he admitted to declining because of bullies – this bothered Steve.

Tony chuckled. "My mom set me up with my first date… our neighbor's daughter; Barbara. I kissed her. Then the next weekend I kissed Kimmy. I think Barbara moved away after that summer." He turned his gaze pointedly against Natasha.

Natasha stared at the floor. "I've never had a date."

"You're kidding." Tony exclaimed. "Not even a single dinner with a male… or female… companion?"

Natasha met Tony's eyes for the first time since the awkward and brief argument earlier. "Not unless my intent was to kill them." Tony was struck by this. He had taken out and treated many girls before, and if there was one things similar between all those dates - besides sleeping with them - it was the excited look in their eyes. Dating, Tony had decided, was like playing dress up.

Thor was again very confused and just talked about Lady Sif with high regards toward her ability as the first female warrior to be recognized by Odin.

They talked until the late hours of the night. They laughed at each other's trials and tribulations. As it got later, they got quieter. If it weren't for Steve announcing that he was headed off to bed, they all would have crashed and woken up in sour moods with cricks in their necks.

The next evening, Tony sought out Natasha and Clint, finding them in the Rumpus Room, no less.

"There is a car waiting outside to take you to where you need to be." He handed them an envelope filled with cash and a couple movie tickets. "Enjoy the movie, I expect you to have dinner, and you can thank me later."

Natasha would never admit it, but she had butterflies the whole evening.

* * *

Aww. Look… they're talking! ^ . ^


	5. Red, White and Blue

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not _to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** – Last chapter had great responses! I FEEL ALL THE LOVES! ^ . ^

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters, scenes and events belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter Five: Red, White and Blue  
_The Soldier. A man out of time._

* * *

Tony strolled into the kitchen, hoisted himself up to sit on the countertop and gave the sleepy Avengers an all knowing smirk. Next to him, Pepper worked on decorating a cheesecake with fruit and whipped cream. Clint gave him a funny look. "Are you going somewhere?" Tony wore athletic shorts and a flimsy tank top. All summer long, Tony and Bruce have holed themselves up in the lab where the AC created a chilly atmosphere. Tony has worn nothing but long sleeves and jeans for the last month.

"Nope." Tony grinned. "But _we_ are going somewhere." The group shared a confused look and Tony made an exasperated noise. "Do you people even know what day it is?"

"It's the 4th." Natasha said around a mouthful of waffles.

"Of July!" Tony gestured wildly, almost falling off the counter. "Only the greatest holiday ever! C'mon, Cap, I am _seriously _disappointed. This holiday is kind of your thing, being all red, white and blue."

Steve shrugged. "Why s'it so great, anyway?"

Tony scoffed. "Uh, because there's fireworks, food, and fun… and more fire. You can't beat the four F's of the Fourth."

The Avengers all begin to talk over each other, making excuses. "Oh… the lab –" and "We really should have target practice…" and "This is a crucial part-"

Tony growled. "Listen! I'm doing this for your benefit. Now, hear me out. This is kind of a shocking idea, but… what if… we had fun… as a _team_."

"What kind of fun?" Bruce asked hesitantly. It was common knowledge that Tony's idea of fun and the rest of the team's idea of fun were polar opposites.

"I have a _pool_. I own a strip of the _beach_. We can play beach volleyball, start a fire and roast marshmallows." Tony was irritated at this point.

"S'mores?" Clint asked, wide-eyed. "I'm in!"

"Atta boy!" Tony cheered. "The rest of you don't really have a choice. Now go suit up." Thor and Steve shared a confused look. "I mean swimsuits." Tony clarified. Their confused looks remained. "_Never mind!_"

"I don't have a swimsuit." Natasha spoke up.

"How did you not bring a swimsuit to Malibu? You know what? Don't answer that, Pepper will borrow you one… Just go get in something that you won't mind getting wet!"

Why did Tony even bother? Maybe it wasn't that Tony didn't play well with others, maybe it was just that the others didn't play well with him. Yeah. That's the problem here.

It took them over twenty minutes to get down to the volleyball net set up on the beach. Natasha had refused to wear a bikini, going off about its impracticality. Then she attacked Clint when his eyes lingered a little too long on her chest – thank God she hadn't noticed Tony, who was busy staring at her ass.

And then, as if things weren't frustrating enough, Thor asked the magic question: "What is volleyball?"

Finally, with the rules having been explained, they were ready to start.

"Okay, I'm a team captain for obvious reasons." Tony tucked the volleyball under one arm. He then pointed at Natasha. "You can be the other team captain, just because I like to piss you off. I call Thor!"

Thor grinned and high fived Tony. High-fiving was Thor's new favorite Midgardian tradition since he saw it on the magic box a few days ago. He liked to high five people for just about everything.

"Fine, I call The Captain _and _Clint." Natasha smirked.

"No fair, you can't call two people at the same time!" Tony and Natasha proceeded to get into an argument that only ended with a sulky Tony and a victorious Natasha. "Jolly Green Giant, get over here." Tony gestured towards Bruce. Natasha and Tony both turned their gazes onto the remaining three girls. It was like high school all over again; the athletic kids have all been chosen and the nerds were left.

"I played volleyball in high school!" Darcy offered.

"IcallDarcy!" Tony shouted so fast that his words slurred together.

"I'm a klutz…" Jane said, backing away slowly. "I'm better off being a ref!"

Pepper sauntered over to stand by Natasha, ignoring Tony's meek "I love you, Honey!" and she placed a hand on her hip.

"I played volleyball all through college." Pepper smirked at Tony. "Your serve."

Natasha decided she actually like Pepper. Tony scowled at his semi-stable girlfriend and served the ball cleanly over the net. Once the ball returned to Tony's side, he pointed wildly at Thor, "Hit it!" he urged. Thor, unaware of his own strength, performed what the Midgardians call a 'spike' and left a small crater in Natasha's team's court.

Natasha, Clint, Steve and Pepper wiped the sand from their eyes.

"THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Tony shouted. He whooped and preformed a victory dance of epic proportions. "Okay, I believe that makes it Tony's Team: One and Natasha's team… zero. Ouch."

Natasha scowled. "A little less sand next time would be nice, Thor."

"My apologies, Lady Natasha." Thor grinned, high fiving Tony.

And the game went on like such until Steve and Clint finally figured out how to stop Thor. Once Steve and Clint managed to send the ball back, Tony was too busy jumping about and missed the ball. Then, thanks to Natasha's skills and Pepper's team spirit, the score steadily climbed to a tie – much to Tony's dismay.

"Alright, I'm bored, game over at a tie!" Tony declared; he was frustrated, sweaty and admittedly a bit out-of-breath.

"Stark, where did you learn to play?" Natasha asked, wiping off the sand that was stuck to her sweaty body.

"I didn't." Stark grinned. "I'm simply competitive." He sat in the hot sand and groaned. "That and I like to play topless volleyball with underwear models in my spare time."

"Of course." Natasha muttered.

"Friend Stark, do you own the ocean?" Thor asked; his fascinated gaze was turned onto the foaming blue ocean.

"Have at it, Big Guy." Tony waved him away.

"What's next on Stark's Big 4th of July Spectacular?" Darcy moaned, throwing herself onto the soft sand. She hated to admit it, but Tony really did have the best of the best in everything that he owned. And while she had fun playing volleyball, she was extremely out of shape and probably couldn't handle anymore strenuous activity.

"How about food?"

Food was probably the only thing that would have pried Thor away from the ocean. He was enthralled by the fact that he would be learning of another Midgardian festival today: Grilling Out (whatever that is).

Tony proved himself to be quite handy with a grill. His teammates, however, took the opportunity to tease him. "How is it that you can't operate a toaster, but you can grill hamburgers?" Clint laughed.

Once settled with large amounts of good old American food, Thor finally asked why the day was so special. "What is the celebration on this day about?" he asked. Pepper went on to explain how America declared independence against Great Britain. "Oh, it is similar to Odin's Day."

"Wait, who's Odin?" Steve asked. He was very interested in learning about Asgard. He even started to read up on Norse mythology, trying to find a way to make Thor feel more at home. He completely understood what it was like to feel so out of place, and for this reason, he found himself getting closer to Thor as they struggled together against modern technology.

"The Allfather!" Thor shouted enthusiastically. "He is my great and glorious Father, a beloved King and strong warrior. On Odin's Day, he battled triumphantly against the Jotunn's! Surely you have heard of such greatness!"

There was a brief murmur of unsure agreement across the table.

Pepper went on to explain the activities that took place on this holiday. Thor listened with interest.

"You just wait, Big Guy, the firework's are awesome." Tony grinned.

They spent the rest of the late afternoon and evening enjoying the sun and beach. Finally, as the sun began to lower, Pepper gave Tony permission to start a fire. Hot dogs were roasted and of course Tony made dirty jokes about 'wieners'. Pepper wasn't sure what was worse: Tony's immaturity, or the fact and Clint and Thor alike laughed at these jokes.

"You must roast the wieners just long enough to get the juices flowing properly." Tony waggled his eyebrows much to the ammusement of Clint.

Tony then started to throw those little tissue paper poppers at the Avengers for the sake of amusement – and it was greatly amusing – until he focused the assault on Bruce shouting. "Get angry! Get angry!"

Instead, Pepper got angry and took his poppers away.

Bruce was not amused.

Then, Tony introduced Thor to sparklers, which was equally amusing.

"How is it that these little sticks glow such wonderful colors?" Thor shouted. He was fascinated, until the path of the sparkles got closer to his hand. "These abominations are trying to harm the Great and Mighty Thor, and I WILL NOT HAVE IT!"

For a bunch of adults, they sure were easily amused. Tony and Darcy even staged a nerdy Harry Potter war – Tony had a green sparkler, and started the war by pointing it towards her and proclaiming _Avada Kedavra. _This led to much confusion on Steve's part.

The hyperactivity reached a whole new level when Earth's Mightiest Heroes went through three bags of marshmallows and innumerous amounts of chocolate in less than an hour. Clint was nearly passed out in a food coma.

Finally, Jane pointed towards the now ashen sky. "Look, they're starting!"

They settled down to watch. They all smelled of sun screen, chlorine and bug spray. It was definitely summer and they all felt very young at this moment. Thor was absolutely thrilled at the fireworks, and Jane snuggled into his lap, ever so happy to have her loyal and confused God back.

It was fine, right?

Until the Grand Finale. This final display involved a rapid release of short explosions that weren't used necessarily because they were pretty – in fact, they let off little light in comparison – but their purpose was to be as loud as possible; similar to an explosion.

This triggered a reaction in Steve. He tossed himself into the sand, enveloping his head with his arms, completely unaware how much sand he was actually inhaling. It didn't matter. Steve Rogers was no longer on Tony Stark's Malibu beach.

It was 1943 and he was leading his friends into enemy territory.

The Avengers noticed this immediately and Tony, being the closest to Steve, touched his shoulder asking, "You alright?"

Steve whirled around and flailed wildly, successfully landing a punch to Tony's face. Tony stumbled backwards, swearing profusely. "The fuck? Ow!"

"Tony!" Pepper hurried forward, "Let me look at it." Tony peeled his bloodied hand away from his nose. Pepper flinched at the onslaught of blood and the apparent crookedness.

"What? It's broken isn't it, FUCK, it's so broken." Tony cursed.

Nobody touched Steve, who was still in some other world, obviously struggling to come back to reality.

"Yeah, uh, I'm taking Tony to the hospital –" Pepper helped Tony to stand up.

"No hospital, OW DON'T TOUCH IT, I don't need a hospital, I'm –"

"Someone help Steve and could you help clean up, and don't leave the fire –"

As Pepper and the still cursing Tony disappeared up to the house, The Avengers turned their attention to Steve. He appeared to be slowly returning to the correct time period. Above them, the fireworks were long over and the trails of smoke could be seen, illuminated by a full moon.

Steve still called out for someone named Peggy.

* * *

Thank you all for your wonderful responses. **Your support is greatly appreciated!**


	6. The Outdated & Forgotten

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not _to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** – Thanks again! I've got the **best** readers out there!

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters, scenes and events belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter Six: The Outdated & Forgotten  
_I know guys with none of that worth ten of you….. The only thing you really fight for is yourself._

* * *

The following Monday after the 4th was the day Tony Stark scheduled his septoplasty. Yes, Steve Rogers successfully broke the billionaire's nose. And, although needless to say, when Tony returned home from his surgery, he was crabby and ignoring mostly everyone.

They all – minus the billionaire himself – had tried to talk to Steve. Pepper tried to get him to open up about his flashback and even gave him a pamphlet on PTSD. Clint awkwardly tried to talk to him, but the conversation was a bit lacking. After all, men weren't known for having touchy feely moments. Thor even offered him a bear hug.

All was in vain.

And now it was almost a week after the disastrous firework display, and the house was full of tension. Tony strode into the kitchen, peered into the fridge and shut it with a disappointed sigh. "What's for dinner?"

Pepper, who was at the sink washing grapes, shrugged. "Not sure yet…"

Natasha, sitting at the counter, resumed what she had been saying before the interruption. "Anyways, he won't talk to anyone."

Tony scowled, unhappy that their attention was directed back to that undeserving mess of a superhero. Tony was a wee bit bitter when the Captain came up in conversation. "He had a senior moment and he'll move on. Stop treating him like he needs special care." Tony said while scratching at the stupid cast he had to wear for another day yet.

"You sure think you need special care. And stop itching at it." Pepper responded.

"I could've taken care of myself; _you_ were the one insisting on the hospital." Tony responded coolly.

Pepper turned to face her narcissistic semi-boyfriend. "I'm just worried about Steve, that's all. I worry about all of you. You've all had a lot to deal with."

"Good lord, if it's that bad, send his case in to Dr. Phil. I'm sure he'd fit right in on that show." Tony opened the fridge again and was unimpressed that no new food had appeared.

"That's not an option, but it would help –"

"He's a man, Pepper; and he doesn't deserve all the sympathy –"

"I just think it would be nice if you went and talked –"

"And what would I say, hmm?"

"… I know you and him don't always see eye to eye –"

"If I talk to him, would you make me a sandwich?"

Pepper gaped at Tony. "You're unbelievable."

"I'm taking that as a yes." Tony smirked and turned to walk away. "No mayo, and just so you know, nothing good will come out of this!"

It was simple. He would poke his head in, tell the spangled man that it was all good and reap the benefits of a sandwich. Tony found Steve in the rumpus room. He was panting heavily and had just obliterated a punching bag. Tony opened his mouth to speak but Steve beat him.

"Come to make me feel bad?" Steve kept his back to the billionaire, hoping that he would just leave.

Tony stood shocked for a moment. He collected himself and sat upon a bench, pondering over this. Tony didn't like Steve. There were a lot of reasons why; His goody two shoes demeanor, the way he talked, and how he praised Howard Stark. Everything; from the way his hair sat perfectly on his head to his team player ideas.

"You're wrong." Tony says suddenly, his mouth speaking of its own accord.

"Huh?" Steve responded, reaching out to still the swinging bag of sand.

"You're completely wrong." Tony cleared his throat. "I'm exactly like my dad."

The silence between them seemed louder than ever.

"I'm arrogant, I drink like crazy and I push away all the people who love me. I'm ignorant, rude and I choose the company of machines over humans. I'm exactly like my father." Tony laughed suddenly. Humorlessly.

Steve didn't know how to respond to this. It was true; Steve wished that Tony was more like Howard Stark. Howard had been driven, professional, and serious. Tony seemed none of that and it had seriously disappointed Steve. He had been hoping that Tony would be more like Howard because it would have been a breath of fresh air. Tony would have seemed familiar.

Like everything else though, Tony just had to be a shock of modern.

"I'm sorry." Steve offered. It came out of his mouth all wrong. The simple words sounded turned up at the end, although he was asking a question.

Tony laughed again, humorlessly and harshly. "I hate you. I really do." Tony cleared his throat. "My father… he said it himself. 'The best thing I ever made… was you'. Captain America. It was all he ever talked about."

Steve walked over slowly and sat beside Tony. He waited patiently for him to continue.

"He hit me the first time when I was 8. I was messing around with an engine and I left my tools lying out. He bursts into my room that night and he's mad and reeks of liquor." Tony stands suddenly and begins pacing. "I should have put them away."

Steve opens his mouth to apologize and offer sympathy, but Tony cuts him off.

"But it doesn't matter; he ships me off to boarding school and all he can say the whole way there is how I've been a disappointment. How he wishes that _you _were his son and not me." Tony runs his fingers through his hair. "I graduate high school at age 14 and then from MIT at age 17 and… nothing. Not a single 'Great job, kiddo' or 'Holy shit, MIT? I'm proud of ya'. After a while, you know… you start to believe how disappointing you are."

Tony stopped his pacing to face the super soldier. "And then they dig you up. And there is so much not-me in you that it's uncanny. And I think 'Well shit.'" He laughs again. "You really would have made a better son."

Steve spoke softly, "I never really cared for your father anyway." But this elicits no response from Tony. Steve's brow knitted up and he frowned at the floor. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Steve is covered in Tony's emotional vomit and Tony is still reeling that the fact that he just said all of that. What happened to a simple 'all good here!' and then a sandwich?

Steve tried to break the silence again. "You really did come here to make me feel bad."

And Tony begins laughing. _Really _laughing. And it is funny! Here are a couple of grown men – hell, Cap is an old geezer at this point – and they are mad at each other over a dead man who neither of them cares for whatsoever! Steve joins in the laughter after a few moments.

Tony wiped at his eyes dramatically. "Oh God," He sighed. "Did it work?" and they both dissolve into fits of unreasonable laughter.

Then Tony regarded the Captain with a serious expression again. "So really, you didn't even like my dad?"

Steve shrugged. "It was more of a professional relationship. I respected him and all that he did for me. But I did find him arrogant and that bothered me."

Tony hummed in response. "Why all the fuss, then?"

Steve hesitated. "I guess I just wanted something or someone familiar… Plus, you can be a bit much at times."

"Who me? Naw." Tony smirks and takes his seat again. "I told you, though, I'm just like him."

Steve shook his head. "You have heart." He admitted. "Gee, Tony, about all those things I said – "

Tony waved it away dismissively. "I've heard worse. Besides, most of it was true."

"Do you really hate me?"

"No."

They settled into another silence.

"Sorry about your nose."

"It's fine." Tony scratched at the cast again. "Hurts like a bitch; but fine. Not the best way to end the holiday though!"

Steve snorted. "Not the best way to spend my birthday."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Tony's jaw dropped. "It was your birthday?" He laughed. "You're telling me… that Captain America… was born on the Fourth of July? That is the definition of ironic!"

Steve chuckled sheepishly.

"Wait… Why didn't you tell us?"

Steve shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm just too old for that stuff."

"No way." Tony scoffed. "You're like, what, 95? That's young!" His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Hey, biologically I'm only 26." Steve defended himself.

"Yeah, and biologically I'm 36 and I still have a birthday party." Tony looked pissed. "A birthday is a sacred day where you get a little older and grayer, so you drink a lot."

"I can't get drunk, though!"

Tony's mouth popped open in surprise. "No. Way."

"Yeah, my metabolism is quadrupled. Believe me, I've tried." Steve chuckled.

Tony rubbed his chin. "Hmm. I'll get Thor to bring back some of that Asgardian shit. Maybe that'll work." Steve just shook his head at Tony's drinking predilection.

After a pause, Tony spoke again. "Why'd you do it?"

Steve blinked. "Do what?"

"Become, you know, a 'superhero'" He put air quote around the offensive word.

"Oh. I wanted to join the army. I kept getting rejected an-"

"Rejected? But you're built!" Tony scoffed. Steve jumped up and disappeared into the back room of the expansive athletic room, leaving Tony confused. He returned shortly with a beat up wallet; Steve opened it up to fish out an aged photograph.

"That's me." The face sure looked like Steve. But the body was all off. He was thin, angular and lanky. He screamed awkward and geeky. The army helmet absolutely engulfed his head and he was so shockingly small. Tony stared for a moment; then he began laughing.

"There's a name for your serum; it's called steroids!" Tony laughed.

"Huh?"

"Psh nevermind." Tony handed him back the picture. "God, you really need a crash course in modern day."

"You're telling me. I hate feeling so out of my element." Steve scratched his head. "I feel like such a burden having to always ask question. And then people look at me like I'm an idiot because to them, it seems like such basic knowledge, but to me; well, I have no clue."

Tony had a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I've got an idea. Kitchen, 8 AM tomorrow. Be there."

"Should I be scared?" Steve smirked.

"Yes. Be very afraid." Tony smirked. He jumped up after a moment, checking his watch. "Jesus, an hour later. I'm still hungry. See ya, Cap." Steve nodded back at Tony.

"Oh wait!" Tony paused in the doorway. " Was it fun punching Hitler?"

Steve chuckled. "Very."

Tony, satisfied with this answer, jogged up the stairs and bee lined for the kitchen. On the counter sat a plate of crumbs with a pink sticky note in the center.

_Make your own damn sandwich_, it read.

* * *

Jesus, this chapter was damn near impossible for me to write, and I don't know how I feel about it now that I'm finished.

This is pretty filler. Boring? Well, it's entirely conversation based.

**I'll meekly ask you to review. Please?**


	7. Techno 101

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not _to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** – It's only **chapter 7** and we are **3/4** of the way to **100 reviews**! This is by far my **most successful story** and I really owe it all to **you guys!**

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters, scenes and events belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter Seven: Techno 101  
_You might have missed a couple things, you know, doing time as a Capsicle_

* * *

"Somebody grab my coffee!" Tony shouted at the group of people stationed in the kitchen, mid-breakfast. Tony had burst into the room in typical Tony fashion, balancing a Caribou coffee cup on his laptop in one hand and carrying numerous grocery bags the other.

"What is all of this?" Bruce asked, setting Tony's coffee on the counter for him.

"At least ten pounds of candy and various types of sugary, caffeinated beverages." Tony explained efficiently. "I've been up all night preparing for this day, a day of enormous purpose." Tony set the laptop down, grabbed his coffee, and walked over and placed to hand on Steve's shoulder. He slurped noisily for a moment. "This is the day that we drag Captain America's head out of his sorry 1940s ass!"

"We?" Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, this is a mandatory team thing-a-ma-bob." Tony began emptying the bags onto the counter, unveiling a candy and junk food heart attack that was just waiting to occur. "Besides, there is no way that just me and Cap could ingest all of this and Pepper would kill me for buying all of this – she's a bit of a health-nut."

"Team?" Darcy scoffed. "Can I participate? Because I seriously love Mike 'n Ikes. Plus I have at least 2000 various modern songs on my iPod."

"Eye-pood?" Thor looked curious.

"Jesus Christ, Thor, you need this worse than Steve." Tony rubbed his brow. "And Darcy, it's not like I could get rid of you anyway."

"Hell yeah, Snickers!" Clint enthusiastically tore into the candy.

"By the way, this is for you." Tony handed Steve the laptop he had been carting around. "I made it last night. It's both state-of-the-art StarkTech and arguably the simplest thing I've ever created. There literally is only the simplest of stuff on there."

"You made Steve a laptop _last night_?" Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"Yep." Tony smirked. "Get back in here with that candy, Cockeye!" Out of the corner of his eye, Tony could see that the Archer was trying to slip away.

Clint sulked. "That nickname doesn't even make sense."

"Argh, would you all just sit down and enjoy the impending sugar rush?" Tony shouted. Tony turned on Steve and helped him pop open the laptop, booting it up. "Your password is 'I love Iron Man'. No spaces or capital letters." Steve glared in response.

"What is this machine?" Thor asked.

"It's a computer." Jarvis spoke, "A computer is an electronic device used for storing and processing data in binary form."

"That'll do, Jarvis. That'll do…" Tony smirked as the Steve's background uploaded to reveal a picture of Iron Man.

"Seriously, Tony?" Steve sighed.

"Yes. Now pull up the internet." Tony slurped and Steve looked confused. "The E shaped icon on your desktop."

"Desktop?" Steve peered at the computer, searching for a miniturized desk of some sort.

Tony made a frustrated sound. "Someone explain computer lingo to him. And somebody else; make me a Toaster Strudel…. Please?" And with that, Tony left the room.

"I hate him." Natasha scowled.

Bruce rose out of his seat and began making a few of the requested breakfast pastries. "Hate is a strong word." Once the toaster was set up properly, Bruce walked over to the overwhelmed Super Soldier. "What you see on the screen is your desktop. This square, here, is your mouse pad. It picks up the heat from your skin, like a touch screen, to move this little arrow. These buttons; use them to click things. These icons here open various programs. Got it?"

"I think so." Steve put a finger on the mouse pad. It took him awhile to get anywhere, and by the time he successfully opened the internet, Tony had returned. "I opened the E!" Steve smiled proudly.

"I will congratulate you with a sarcastic clap." Tony proceeded to clap. "Thank you, m'dear." Tony accepted the plate of food from Bruce and gave the rest of the group a dirty look. "You all are useless."

"Google?" Steve's brow crinkled. "What, like goggles?"

"These colors," Thor touched the screen. "I like them!"

"Google is a less interesting and quieter version of Jarvis. Ask it anything, and it will provide an answer." Tony brushed some crumbs off his lips. "Type in your name. Just Steve, and read me the results."

Steve complied, "Steve Madden, Steve Jobs… Steve Rogers! Is that me?"

"Yeah, the internet knows who you are."

"Oh."

"Does this Google character know the Great Thor?" Thor asked.

"Oh, of course. You're on Facebook." Darcy reminded him. "Your photo has 20 or so likes."

"Facebook?" Steve questioned. "Likes?"

"One thing at a time, people!" Tony shouted. "Now, Steve, go up to this bar – it's called a navigation bar – and type in Wikipedia."

Steve complied. "Wait, what did I do wrong?" Steve had pulled up a Google search instead of the website which Tony required.

"No, you're doing fine; you just forgot a couple Ws and the dot-com." Steve gave Tony a funny look. Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. "I can't do this; it's too frustrating. I need a nap."

Bruce walked up behind Steve. "It's called a URL. Three Ws, a period, the website's name – for example, Wikipedia – followed by another period and com – C-O-M."

"Oh." Steve looked discouraged.

Natasha offered a warm smile, "Ignore Tony; he just can't handle those who are technically behind. Try again."

This time, Steve successfully brought up the website. Tony perked up, "Okay, down here is the search bar. Type in _1945_. Click 'enter'"

"Whoa," Steve watched as this foreign device pulled up a full length timeline of the last year of Steve's normal life. He blinked, trying desperately to take in all this sudden information that was literally at the tip of his fingers.

"Yeah. I know." Tony mused. "So, let's start with the important stuff. April 30, Hitler killed himself and Berlin falls. May 8 is V-E day. Victory in Europe, the end of the War in Europe." Tony yawned. "And the rest is history."

"Who is Hitler?" Thor asks.

"Tony. You seriously suck at this." Natasha shook her head and quickly explained who Hitler was to Thor. "After that," She continued. "America dropped two atomic bombs on the Japanese cities Hiroshima and Nagasaki."

"Japan surrendered on August 14." Bruce added, "And that ended the Pacific War."

"And the rest is history." Tony insisted. "I'm being serious!"

"Why are some of these words blue?" Steve asked.

"Because they're linked to other articles on the website. If you click a blue word, it'll take you to the article dealing with that word." Bruce explained.

"Scroll back to the top and click on the 1950s." Tony commanded.

A couple hours later, Steve's mind had been blown. He had just been given a crash course on the last seventy years and all that resulted from this was a frustrated Tony and a migraine.

"I still do not understand these 'Hippies.' What about their hips gives them such a name?" Thor asked.

"It just means that they wear a lot of tie-dye and smoke a lot of pot!" Tony shouted.

"But why pots? Why not pans?" Thor asked.

Everyone stared at Thor in disbelief. "Well, Thor." Tony answered; his voice was oddly leveled and calm. "I guess that hippies just had a prejudice against pans." Thor seemed to accept this answer happily.

"Let's move on…" Bruce said, still giving Thor a funny look.

"Right. I think I can trust Steve with a computer now. How about texting?" Tony showed Steve and Thor how to pull up the text messaging area of their cell phones. Both of them had received cell phones ages ago, but they have been collecting dust since. Steve successfully sent Tony a message, but Thor's looked something like this: "Mmde tg4humbe aqred tool bikgt."

"Thor, what the hell is this?" Tony held up his phone in confusion.

"Hmm? Oh! I was trying to tell you through these buttons that my thumbs are much too big for these tiny letters." Thor nodded. "I keep pressing more than one button at a time."

"Right, you keep working on that, Big Guy." Tony led the poor, confused souls over to the microwave. "This machine is pretty simple. If you need to use it, just follow the instructions –" Tony tossed Steve a boxed meal. "Or just ask Jarvis."

"What is this?" Steve peered at the label.

"It's frozen Mac 'n Cheese. Just follow the instructions." Tony glowered exasperatedly.

While Steve and Thor learned how to, as Thor put it, "harness the power of these waves of micro", Tony begin to search through Darcy's iPod and Youtube to collaborate a huge list of music from the 1950s onward.

"This box says you have to stir it and then cook it for another 2 minutes." Thor read and Steve acted upon those instructions.

"Seriously, let's just let Steve discover Justin Bieber on his own." Tony pretended to throw up.

"But I like trashy pop music." Clint spoke through a mouthful of candy.

Suddenly, sparks flew and the microwave burst into flames, causing all hell to break loose. "WHAT THE HELL?" Tony shouted, jumping up and flailing his arms.

The group all began to shout at each other, all of them except Bruce, who calmly located the fire extinguisher and took care of the flames. The chaos was reduced to white foam and deep breaths.

Tony turned on Steve. "How did you manage to set the motherf-"

"I don't know, it was an accident!"

"I had no part in this, Friend Stark." Thor shuffled his feet guiltily.

Tony rubbed his forehead and pulled out his phone. After a few short moments, he spoke again. "Pepper, on the way home, I need you to pick up a new microwave. Yeah, don't ask, just do." He hung up and eyed Steve. "You put the fork in the microwave, didn't you?"

Realization dawned on Steve's facial features. "Um."

"You _can't _put _metal _in the _microwave_."

And when Tony found out that Steve was sorely lacking in the movie department, he nearly died. "You've never even seen a Disney movie? But Snow White came out in, like, '37!"

"I thought it was for kids!" Steve argued back.

"No wonder you can't take a joke, you're so damn uptight because you've never sat through Disney magic!" Tony scowled.

"Who is Disney? And how does he have magic?" Thor interrupted.

"That's it. From this day forth I, Tony Stark, do hereby announce that I may interrupt your lives at any given moment for Disney Movies. I shall call this: Drop Everything and Watch Disney. Acronym: D.E.W.D." Tony smirked. "Pronounced like _dude_."

Steve was then introduced to years of music; all things ranging from Elvis Presley to Nicki Minaj. Steve reacted particularly violently to songs such as _Sexy and I Know it_ and they show him the Billy Joel song _We Didn't Start the Fire_, which only angered Thor.

"This Billy Joel person; He speaks too fast!"

Then they got into the tough stuff: Lingo and morals.

"Ugh," Steve groaned. "This is so hard." He was getting tired of all this new information being thrown at him by a hyper Tony.

"That's what she said." Tony answered. Clint laughed immaturely.

"But… I'm not a girl…" Steve's brow furrowed.

"It's just a saying!" Tony sighed. "It's supposed to be taken sexually, meaning it has to do with sex! Ergo, you saying 'This is hard' and me responding with 'that's what she said' was me trying to take your words and twisting them in a sexual way." Tony was bouncing in his seat the whole time he spoke, a bag of _Sour Patch Kids_ in one hand.

Steve just blushed in response.

"Okay," Steve peered at the computer screen, looking for something else that he didn't understand. "What is a stoner?"

"A person who does a lot of drugs." Darcy answered.

"Like Tony?"

"What?" Tony spluttered angrily.

"Alcohol is a drug!" Steve argued.

"No, no, no… no," Tony scowled. "Stoners smoke pot! Jesus." Tony muttered, running fingers through his hair.

"Again with the pots!" Thor looked flustered. "How does one go about smoking these pots?"

"This is too frustrating. I give up." Tony laid his head upon the counter and yawned.

"Thor, honey, pot is a slang word for marijuana, which is a drug." Jane patted his defined bicep lovingly.

"Then what are pans?" Thor asked very bewilderedly.

"…Cooking utensils." Darcy blinked in disbelief at Thor's confused manner. This really was tiring.

Tony suddenly sat up, glaring at the two confused blondes. "Look, all you need to know is that modern day life is all about _sex_. Okay?"

Steve blushed and Thor looked… pleased?

"Modern relationships are all about sex! Our music, our TV and even our books are all about SEX!" Tony flailed about angrily. "So just get that through your old fashioned mind and just _move on_."

The room remained silent for a moment, and then Bruce cleared his throat. "Tony… I think you need a nap."

Tony lay down again and was out like a light in minutes. For a long moment, the group of socially awkward team members just stared at each other, unsure of what to do. The only thing that had been keeping most of them there was Tony's fierce attitude, and now that fierce attitude was drooling slightly.

If you examined this group from in outside perspective, they looked something like this.

Clint had chocolate smeared across his right cheek. He's not sure how it got there, and he doesn't really care. Having eaten most of the candy that Tony purchased, he was very close to passing out into a sugar coma. Or throwing up. He just kind of sat there… looking dazed.

Natasha and Bruce both just looked weary, Darcy and Jane kept sharing concerned looks and Steve looked like he wanted to cry. Thor still looked pleased.

Finally, Steve interrupted the silence. "What happened to manners… and chivalry?"

"Chivalry is dead." Bruce sighed.

Steve looked down into his palms, trying to swallow down the lump that formed in his throat. He didn't like the modern world, not one bit. "I'm still here." He finally answered. The team didn't say anything for a long moment. Tony stirred in his sleep and Clint slouched forward, finally surrendering to a sort of sugar induced crash.

"Yeah… You are." Natasha responded quietly.

Pepper burst into the room at long last, bringing with her a breath of fresh air and a new microwave. She took in her surroundings; the charred remains of the old microwave, the mess left by the fire extinguisher, and her boyfriend and the archer, both asleep and surrounded by candy wrappers.

"What…. Happened…" Pepper spoke slowly.

"We were teaching Steve about modern day." Darcy answered, as though it were the most obvious thing ever.

"Sorry about the mess." Bruce apologized for Tony.

"No… Don't be sorry, this… this was all Tony's idea anyway, wasn't it…" Pepper gingerly set down the new microwave on the counter. She grabbed a fistful of candy wrappers. "You're all eating salads for the next week. But for now, let's just order in some pizza."

Clint groaned, "No more."

"Is he gonna be alright?" Steve asked.

"I don't know…" Natasha answered, watching her partner warily.

Once the pizza arrived, the group dissipated once more. Bruce took his pizza to the lab, Jane and Thor wandered off, and Pepper nudged Tony awake: he grouchily ate some pizza and then crashed in his own bed, for once.

Steve, on the other hand, woke up sometime around sunrise. He lifted his head off the keyboard of his new computer, groaning and stretching. He had the imprint of the keys on his cheek.

In front of him, the Wikipedia article detailing bipolar disorder was up. He had been up most of the night, clicking from link to link in an effort to familiarize himself with the modern day. He made a mental note to talk to Pepper about this disorder and Tony before shutting the new laptop off and heading off to his bed.

* * *

_Thank you for your wonderful responses!_


	8. Dihydrogen Monoxide

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not _to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** – This is extremely late! **I'm so sorry! **

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters, scenes and events belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter Eight: Dihydrogen Monoxide  
_When I ordered the hit on you, I was worried that I was killing the golden goose. But, you see, it was just fate that you survived it…_

* * *

"Stay." Tony murmured. The room was black, the only light coming from Tony's chest. He rolled over, effectively snuffing out that little bit of light and pressed his lips to Pepper's bare shoulder's "Stay" He commanded again.

"Tony…" Pepper sighed. "I have meetings; meetings that you should be attending."

"I'm forced to be here and play house with a bunch of whiny superheroes. I would _love _to be in meetings all day with you."

"You hate meetings."

"I know." Tony moved, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to his side. "Cancel. Them. Reschedule. Them." Between each word, he kissed her neck, eliciting a small gasp from her lips.

"Tony." Pepper tried again. "I have important _financial _meetings today…" He moved swiftly, quickly; flipping them so she was on top, straddling him. She laughed.

"Pepper." Tony mimicked her. "C'mon, 'tis a beautiful day. Stay with me." Tony rolled them over again, and now he was on top, expertly nuzzling and kissing across her neck, collar bone, shoulders.

"Jarvis…" Pepper gasped. "Cancel everything…." Tony smiled against her skin and began moving south. Pepper groaned. "Reschedule… maybe… later?"

"Your meetings have been canceled, Miss Potts." Jarvis spoke, his tone cool and professional; however, the amusement was evident as well. Suddenly the heavy blinds flipped open, bathing them in bright, California sunlight. Jarvis began his morning rant. "It is 7:32. The temperature is currently at 83 this morning and is expected to climb past 100 degrees with a dew point of 62. The Humidity is 78% today."

Tony squinted into the suddenly light. "Jarvis… What have a _said_ about _cockblocking_ me!"

"My apologies, sir." Jarvis quipped.

Pepper laughed beneath him and Tony scowled. "He did that on purpose."

* * *

"Tony!" Darcy called out, making his name a thousand syllables rather than two. Tony peered over his sunglasses, scowling. Darcy rested her arms on the edge of _his_ enormous pool in _his _backyard.

"What." Tony said through gritted teeth. It was hot and he was outside sweating his ass off because Rogers thinks _he_ can declare when team bonding stuff takes place.

"Get in the pool!" Darcy shouted.

Tony rolled his eyes at her and went back to his StarkPhone. He had an App pulled up, but he stopped paying attention to it ages ago.

Instead he watched Thor laugh like a maniacal toddler while having a noodle fight with Clint. He watch Rogers dive swiftly under the cerulean water and surface like a graceful swan. He watched a less than graceful Bruce Banner struggle to climb onto a floatie. He slipped off and was sent flailing back into the water.

Tony Stark used to swim.

In fact, back when he was still building his Malibu home, Pepper showed up with the plans for the pool. He had taken one look and said _"Bigger."_ And indeed it was bigger.

Bruce successfully climbed onto his floatie and was tipped over by Darcy mere seconds later. Clint splashed Natasha and they were off, tackling and throwing each other into the water. Their laughter echoed off every crevice of Tony's property.

It was hard to ignore.

"Tony!" Darcy called again.

"I have stuff to do, Darcy!" Tony responded.

"I know, I know…" Darcy placated. "Just c'mere for a sec. Please."

Tony groaned. He warily approached the pool's edge and peered at Darcy from behind his sunglasses. "What could you possibly want?"

A war cry sounded out and two strong hands made contact with the sculpted muscles of Tony's back. It was like slow motion for Tony. The flailing of his arms and the way his stomach launched itself into his throat. He gasped for air before hitting the surface with a resounding splash.

Thor laughed boisterously and bumped knuckles with Darcy.

"Finally!" Natasha drawled.

"He was probably afraid he would rust." Clint chuckled.

Suddenly it was eerily silent, except for the sound the ocean and the pool water lapping at the edges.

Beneath the surface, however, it was a whole different world. Tony thrashed out; trying so hard to escape The Ten Rings, but the water was pressing on him from all sides. And his muscles all felt so _heavy_. And the surface was so far _away_. Why wasn't he running; He needs to _run!_

"Tony?" Steve yelled, but it came out like a question. He dived under the water again and reached out for the man. Tony was so heavy under the water, like each limb weighed a thousand pounds.

Everything moved so quickly after Steve and the half-drowned Tony resurfaced. Thor and Clint dragged him out of the water. A frantic Pepper dropped to her knees, begging him to open his eyes. All at once, Tony moved.

He pushed away, thrashing out and rolling onto his side, where he began to vomit. At first, it was water, _so much water_, and then everything he had consumed followed until his stomach was empty and all he could do was heave.

"_Run!" _Tony begged. "Yinsen, _run_!"

"Tony, you're home! You're safe!" Steve shouted. He had seen this before; hell, he had experienced this before.

Tony whirled to face the voice, Steve's voice. His eyes widened. "No." A simple word. So broken and raw. And like that, Tony was gone, the glass deck door rattling shut.

"I – I didn't know." Thor whispered, eyes wide.

* * *

Even though the wet footprints had stopped at the stairs, the telltale droplets of water continued throughout the lab. Bruce found Tony huddle against the wall, shivering and staring blankly forward. As Bruce approached, a look of annoyance appeared on Tony's face.

Bruce offered Tony a fluffy towel.

Tony looked at the proffered towel like it had grown a tail and wings. "I don't like being handed things."

Bruce was taken aback, confused. "Huh?"

"It's a pet peeve, I just; I cannot be handed things." Tony stressed.

"Okay, okay!" Bruce placated Tony. "I'll just… set the towel down… here… on the floor…"

Bruce sat on the floor beside his eccentric friend. The two descended into silence while Tony dried water from his hair and face. "Aren't you gonna ask me what is wrong with me or try to psychologically analyze me?"

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm no expert in psychology…" Tony snorted. Bruce rolled his eyes and continued. "But no, I'm not."

Now it was Tony's turn to give Bruce a skeptical look. "Uh huh."

Bruce shrugged. "I figured there's a pretty good reason why your file left out PTSD."

"You read the files?" Tony look surprised. "Nobody reads the files. And I don't have PTSD!"

"Right…"

Silence surrounded them again. Tony rested his chin on his knees and Bruce went through the molecular structure of caffeine in his head.

"So you're really not going to ask me a single question?"

"Nope."

Tony narrowed his eyes. "Then what are you still doing here?"

"Just brought you a towel." Bruce stiffened. "And, well, to make sure that you're okay."

Tony snorted, but remained silent.

"Are you?"

"Why, Dr. Banner, I believe that qualifies as a question." Tony smirked.

Bruce scowled. "Yeah, you must be fine." A brief, pained expression crossed Tony's face. Guilt panged in Bruce's chest. He sighed. "Sorry Tony."

Tony examined the scruffy man he immediately considered a friend. Huh. Friend. He supposes he only really has one other true friend; Rhodey. The rest of his team was just that; teammates. And Pepper was his lady friend… female companion… mate? No, that is most definitely _not _the correct word. Girlfriend – let's just settle for girlfriend. It's still not weird… right?

And this scruffy man sits here, not asking and pressing for any explanation, but just wants to know that he's _okay_.

It was so confusing that Tony started talking. "I'm sure that you have a basic knowledge of the many torture methods, hmm?"

Bruce turned to Tony with a confused expression. "You were tortured?" he whispered.

"That's _two _questions now, Dr. Banner. But I'll bite and answer it anyways." Tony knotted his fingers together and trained his eyes on a crack in the floor. "Yes."

"I heard about it, you know." Bruce cleared his throat. "It made international news."

"Oh goodie, then I don't have to start from the beginning." Tony murmured.

"They tried to drown you?"

"Uh huh." Tony nodded. "I wouldn't build them The Jericho." Bruce stayed silent until Tony finally worked up the courage to look at him. And for the third time today, Tony's world was floored and his head was blank. Bruce did not look on him with that horrid emotion; _pity_, oh how he hated to be pitied.

"So…" Bruce said. "Instead you built a suit of armor."

"Yep." Tony sighed. "And it's worked out pretty great since then! Now; who wants a beverage 'cause I am feeling parched."

Bruce politely declined and watched as Tony searched through the drawers on one of his work benches and magically produced a t-shirt. Bruce picked himself off the floor and followed Tony to the fridge. "Because you are willingly answering my questions for once, I figured I might as well ask the million dollar question; Who is Yinsen?"

Tony stiffened. "I'm sorry?"

"You shouted for Yinsen to run." Bruce cocked his head to one side.

"Did I?" Tony feigned surprise at this. He whirled around to face Bruce, coke in hand. Tony tapped the arc reactor in his chest. "He helped me build this." Tony pointed to one of the suits behind its glass case. "And he helped me build that." Tony brushed past Bruce so he wouldn't have to see his eyes. "And he died doing it."

Silence surrounded the scientists once more. Tony fiddled with some holographic files he forgot to save and Bruce was suddenly interested in a soldering iron.

Bruce tested the waters. "Were you close?"

"As close as two men stuck in a cave for the duration of about 3 months could be." Tony was suddenly angry, and concentrated emotions were never good. "He saved _my_ life. A good man died to save a drunken ass hole." Tony took a long drink. "Speaking of, you know what this coke could use? Some rum."

Bruce wasn't one to speak up about things. Actually, Bruce Banner wasn't one to speak. At all. Or convey emotion. Or offer opinions, advice… words. Worse yet, Bruce Banner was about to do just that. "Tony…" he began.

"Drunken ass hole or not, and it is really weird to admit this, but you are sorta the glue… that holds this team…" Bruce meshed his hands together for emphasis. "_Together_." He paused for a moment. "And without the team, the world would be ruled by Creepy Cat-Boy Loki… and that would be… awful. So maybe that man's, erm, 'destiny' was to help create who you are today. Y'know, if you believe in that 'destiny' sort of thing."

Well that could've gone worse.

Tony was nodding impassively. "Okay, how can you say something like _that_ to me and expect me to swallow it, when you can't do the same for yourself." Bruce shrugged despondently "Okay, okay, okay… Tell you what. If I have to develop a better self image of myself than you need to do the same. Got it, Big Green?"

Bruce pursed his lips. "Fine." He acquiesced.

"Science Bros for life." Tony held out a fist. "Pound it!"

"You are weird." Bruce complied with the pounding of fists, however.

"My weirdness is definitely the glue you speak of."

Bruce laughed.

"Mr. Stark, I hate to interrupt, but your prolonged absence has the rest of your houseguests in a tizzy." The AI's voice echoed in the cavern-like lab.

"_Really_? Tizzy?" Tony astonished. "What the hell century are we in, anyway? And tell Rogers to unwind his panties, all is peachy keen down here." And Tony was off, speaking at a million miles an hour, ideas and ridiculous nicknames flying off his tongue so Bruce couldn't even keep up. Instead, he just watched his friend with bemusement.

* * *

It was late that night when Pepper opened the lab door and froze in shock to find it devoid of Tony's presence. Bruce looked up, equally surprised to see Pepper. "Hey," He greeted.

"Hey. Where is Tony?" Pepper cut right to the chase.

"Oh, uh, yeah I have no idea. He left awhile ago." Bruce checked his watch and was surprised to see that at least two hours has passed. "I think." He muttered.

"Oh." Pepper looked confused. "Well then, I'll just leave you to your business." She turned on her heel and made for the door. Bruce's voice caught her last second.

"You could try the kitchen."

Pepper smiled. "Will do. Goodnight, Bruce." Pepper was about to head up the stairs when something through the patio door caught her eye. The pool lights were on. They should be off. She approached the large glass door and sure enough could just make out a slim figure performing a perfect butterfly stroke.

She opened the door and crossed the patio quickly to the pool's edge where she rolled up her favorite pajama bottoms – the ones with the pandas. She sat on the edge and dangled her feet into the pool. Once the figure surfaced in the shallow end, she began to clap.

Tony whirled around, blinking as his moppy hair dripped water into his eyes. "Hey, Pep."

"Hey." She responded. "Ever thought of joining the Olympics?"

"Not once." Tony swam over to her and surfaced to the right of her, resting his arms on the pools edge. "I'm a sore loser."

"Somehow, I don't think you'd lose." Pepper grinned for a moment, then adopted a more serious expression. She looked down at him, her heart clenching as she remembered the terrible flashback. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"I know." Tony tried to lighten the mood. "All I've achieved is a bunch of water up my nose."

She reached out and dragged her fingers through his wet locks of dark hair. "You must be tired. Let's go to bed."

"I can't sleep."

Pepper scoffed. "You haven't even tried!"

"I can't sleep!" Tony insisted. "I know, I've tried all those sleeping pills, counting sheep and I even drank that nasty bedtime tea. I'm a night owl, just face it."

Pepper considered the next thing she was about to say. "Are you having nightmares?"

"What? No!" Tony answered quickly.

She answered that with a disapproving look. "Tell me."

Tony sighed dramatically, then paused. They sat in a comfortable silence while Tony chewed the inside of his lip. "It's the arc reactor." He answered in a small voice.

"Does the light bother you?" She asked confusedly.

"No. Does it bother you?"

"Tony. Stay on track." She snapped her fingers.

"I'm worried…" Tony spoke the rest of the sentence in a rush. "It might gooutovernight and I wouldneverfeel it if it did." Tony avoided her gaze.

Pepper's heart shattered. She mulled this over while absentmindedly stroking Tony's hair. There were many things she could say to make him feel better, but she was an expert on Tony and she knew that he didn't need words right now.

"C'mon." She spoke softly. "Let's get you dried off and we can watch a movie."

Moments later, Tony was in his own comfy pajamas and was sitting cross-legged, eating ice cream straight from the carton with. Pepper switched the lamp off as the opening credits rolled. Later, near the end of the movie, Tony's eyes began to droop. Pepper cleared the empty carton and spoons. She pulled the blankets up over them and he instinctively snuggled into her.

"It won't go out." Pepper whispered into the comfortable darkness of their bedroom. "Your inner light… it will _always_ shine bright."

* * *

I know this is super late! Please forgive me and I hope you enjoyed the longest chapter so far! It was a pain to write.


	9. Batdog

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not _to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** – Thank you to everyone who has stuck through with me so far! **Important Pre-Chapter Note: **It is a well established headcannon within my own head that in Marvel universe, DC Comics (Batman, Superman, Green Lantern etc) exist… AS COMICS STRICTLY. So, Tony Stark age 9 probably read Batman comics – But Batman doesn't exist as a real person in the Marvel world. Capiche?

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters, scenes and events belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter Nine: Batdog  
_It was a birthday present… from you, actually_

* * *

As soon as the door closed behind Pepper that lazy Wednesday morning, Tony was back in front of the sleepy breakfast crew with a worried expression on his face. "Help me!"

They sleepily responded with a confused stare. "… With…?" Bruce prompted.

"Pepper's birthday is this Friday an-" Tony was rudely interrupted.

"Friday as in two days from now Friday?" Natasha inquired.

"Yes, that would be _this _Friday!" Tony rolled his eyes. "Anyways, I have no clue what to get her. I'm no-" Once again, he was interrupted.

"You forgot, didn't you." Steve

"I did not forget! Entirely." Tony cleared his throat and repeated in a smaller voice. "I did not forget _entirely_."

"What makes you think that we could help you with that?" Clint asked, spooning cereal into his mouth.

"Clint, you see that spoon in front of you? The one full of Fruity Pebbles cereal? I paid for that cereal. The least you could do is help me brainstorm a gift." Tony narrowed his eyes and Clint glared in response to his logic.

"Friend Stark, I shall assist you in this battle for Lady Pepper!" Thor replied with a bang of his fist on the kitchen island.

"… Thanks…" Tony said with an unconvincing smile. Thor, however, was oblivious to this entirely. "Natasha, Jane, Darcy… You're women, right?"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Drawled Darcy.

"I was actually considering a sex change." Natasha seethed.

"What was it that gave it away? The boobs?" Jane inquired.

Tony growled – actually _growled_ – in frustration. "Your sarcasm is adorable."

"Now, now." Steve placated the group. "We should help Tony in his time of need. I'm sure he would do the same for us, and after all, he is allowing us to stay in his home."

"Aw, Mister Rogers!" Darcy mocked. "Next are you going to take us to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe and tell us to remember the magic of friendship?"

"Huh?" Steve actually looked a bit horrified.

"Darcy, you just wasted your breath. He has no idea who Mister Rogers is." Bruce pointed out. Darcy pouted angrily.

"Mr. Rogers is my dad." Steve looked even more confused. Tony face-palmed while Clint caught Steve's eye and just mouthed the word 'no' to him.

"Okay, I can end this whole thing right now." Jane spoke up before the conversation got anymore off-track. "Pepper and I were on the internet a couple of nights ago, and we ended up on an Adoption Agency website –"

Tony immediately interrupted. "She wants a kid?! Like, African child? Brangelina?!" Tony visibly paled. Steve felt very out of place and turned to ask Bruce about Brangelina and whether it was real or made-up by Tony.

"No, No, No!" Jane raised her hands in a placating manner. "PET adoption – Sorry!"

Tony relaxed, but only slightly. "Pets?" His nose wrinkled.

Jane hurried to finish her story before Tony had an aneurism. "We were just looking! We found a miniature black poodle on there, although, and Pepper was head over heels for the puppy. She said you'd never go for it."

"A puppy!" Steve, snapping out of his brief _Future sucks, I'm out of here_ moment, was entirely exalted at the mention of a puppy.

"Are you kidding me? Of all the things my money could buy, she would be most happy with a mangy mutt." Tony's jaw was threatening to hit the floor.

"A Poodle." Jane corrected.

"Or you could just get her something shiny. Women are distracted by shiny things – OW!" Clint was immediately punched by Natasha after that sentence.

"Oh, please, please, _please_ buy her the puppy! I love dogs!" Steve was bouncing with excitement.

"I can't believe this." Tony looked distressed.

"You did ask for my help!" Jane defended herself.

"Friend Stark, you must make your lady happy." Thor said.

"Dude, think about it – She doesn't know that you even know about the dog and she's convinced you wouldn't get it anyway, so come Friday morning and you show up with a puppy, she will be completely ecstatic." Darcy added.

Tony still did not look convinced, so Clint decided to offer his two cents. "And then, you'll get laid – OW, TASHA STOP IT!" Natasha just smirked in response.

Tony responded immediately to Clint's addition in the puppy proposal. "I have no problem getting laid."

"TMI!" Darcy plugged her ears dramatically.

Tony sighed excessively. "Fine… I'll get the puppy." Tony cocked his head to the sighed and immediately the gears in his head began turning. "Here's the plan…"

* * *

Bruce's Friday morning could definitely be going better. All he could hear was excessive barking. He still had no idea how he ended up pegged with pick-up-the-dog duty. Rogers had wanted to do it, but Steve couldn't drive and Tony needed Steve's "magical cooking".

Then Thor had begged and begged to come with. And so, here stood Bruce and the giant Thor. Bruce filled out adoption papers and Thor was holding on to the red leash. Attached to the end was a scruffy, black dog with its pink tongue sticking out. It kept running around, excited to be out of its kennel.

Finally it was official, and a half an hour later, they were back.

Inside, Pepper was be-robed and sitting at the table, utterly surprised. "You made me breakfast?" She asked.

"Yep!" Tony said, setting the blueberry pancakes, eggs, sausage – the works – down in front of her. Pepper gave Tony a skeptical look that clearly said _you are full of bullshit_. "Okay, Steve made you breakfast, but I'll gladly take the credit!"

Pepper laughed. They ate breakfast together and spoke about the business, about summer, about everything. Midway through breakfast, Tony's phone buzzed, a simple text from Bruce: **It's here**.

"Your present has arrived!" Tony announced excitedly.

"My present?" Pepper sounded downright shocked. "You got me something?"

"C'mon, hurry up slow poke!" Tony shouted. Pepper rose and followed Tony into the front hall where, simultaneously, the door opened with a "Thor! Don't let go of the leash!"

The dog skittered down the hallway and stopped at the feet of Tony and Pepper. The dog yipped in excitement.

"You bought me Trudy!?" Pepper's eyes widen as she dropped to her knees and picked the warm puppy up.

Trudy. Yes, the poodle's name is Trudy.

Trudy excited clambered up to lick Pepper's cheek. "Oh my God, Tony! How did you know?"

"I'm psychic." Tony immediately answered. "Do you like it?"

"_She_ is perfect, Tony!" Pepper laughed and petted the puppy. "I didn't even expect you to remember, much less do all of this!" Her smile began to fade as she tucked the puppy under her arm and turned to face him. "Are you sure you are okay with this? You don't have to."

"Am I okay with your happiness? Damn straight." Tony's gaze lowered to the dog. "Am I okay with the pup?" He reached over and scratched behind Trudy's ear. The dog leaned forward, nuzzling into Tony's touch. "I think she'll grow on me."

* * *

It was sickeningly sweet to watch Pepper, Thor and Steve play with Trudy. Tony lay sprawled out on the couch, watching. The dog had a knack for playing tug of war and they were really into it. Steve was even growling to get the puppy all worked up – even to the point of excessive barking.

"Can you believe that?" Tony said for the fourth time. He sat his plate on the armrest of the couch, half a piece of pizza still on the plate.

"It's cute." Bruce smiled. "Like our own little mascot."

"Whoa… Since when is the _Avengers_ represented by a poodle?" Clint scoffed. "That completely screams manly."

"It's… It's… so _domestic_." Natasha shook her head.

"This puppy!" Thor practically squealed.

"She would make a perfect mascot." Steve laughed.

Tony stood, walking around to the bar. "Like a super dog? Like a super dog side kick? The Scooby to my Shaggy? The Astro to my Elroy? The Hound to my Fox?"

"I…I don't understand any of those references." Steve sighed.

"It's no bigger than a bat." Clint scoffed. "All of those dogs you listed were big, tough, manly breeds."

"A bat, you say? Nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana BATDOG!" Tony laughed. "Scooby was a coward, anyways."

"What is a Scooby?" Thor asked.

In this chaos, nobody noticed the dog slip away, jump up to the couch and begin to much on Tony's leftover pizza.

"Never mind, Thor." Pepper sighed. "Batdog? Really, Tony?"

"What, it's perfect! Batman is rich, I'm rich, Batman is awesome, and I'm awesome. Therefore, Batdog is the perfect name for my canine sidekick and _hey she's eating my pizza!_"

They immediately jumped up after the dog, but Trudy was cunning and managed to escaped behind the couch with the rest of the piece where she emerged moments later with pizza sauce staining the fur around her mouth.

"I wasn't done with that!" Tony pouted.

"So much for canine sidekick, huh." Clint snickered.

* * *

Natasha wasn't at all surprised when later that evening, Bruce hesitated awkwardly in the doorway to the den. In fact, she was more surprised that it had taken him this long. Bruce was the guilty type. Combine that with have the Hulk as your alter ego and Natasha's near death experience and you've got a recipe for an apology.

Natasha lowered the TV show to a hum and waved him in. He pushed his glasses up further on his nose in true geek fashion and sat on the edge of the sofa beside her.

"What can I do for you, Doctor?" Natasha was fond of Dr. Banner. The Hulk, however… not so much. And while she braced herself for the apology she didn't want to hear, Bruce fingered the power button on his laptop, hesitant.

"I was wondering if you could do me a favor…?"

Natasha raised an eyebrow in brief surprise. "Sure."

"I need to find someone. It's been… some time since I've been in contact with her." Bruce offered Natasha the laptop, well aware that she did not have one of her own. "I would have asked Tony, but he's…"

Natasha took the laptop. "But he's Tony Stark."

"Yeah, I know."

Natasha smiled lightly. "Do you have a name for me?"

Bruce hesitated. Natasha could see he was unsure and hesitant to give the name up. His eyes shined in the dim lighting as he met Natasha's stare. "Erm – Elizabeth Ross? She may have… married." He ignored the rush of emotions at that word. He ignored the slight raise of Natasha's perfectly arched eyebrow. He stared down at his knotted fingers, expecting an inquiry as to why he was bringing _her _into this. Again.

But no inquiry came.

"I'll get back to you when I find something." Natasha turned her attention to the screen.

And that's why Banner choose Natasha and not Tony Stark.

Honestly, the task Banner gave her was easy. It didn't take Natasha long to track her down, to find everything from her address to her social security number. She was curious; what does Banner want with this information? She knew Ross – it was once a familiar name around S.H.I.E.L.D.

Elizabeth Talbot. Two kids. A nice house in Seattle. She's a teacher – 2nd grade.

A little bit more searching and Natasha understood. Banner was once in love with this woman – the daughter of his own enemy.

She pulled out her phone and quickly typed up a message to Stark: **What do you have that can fly? **

It didn't take long for him to answer with a picture message of a nice private helicopter with the _Stark_ logo emblazoned all over it. **How's this? **

"Perfect." Natasha murmured, responding to Stark with the same word.

**Anything for you, sweetheart. ;)**

Natasha rolled her eyes and sent a new message to Bruce.

**How do you feel about a trip to Seattle? **

* * *

Huge rain drops pelted the windshield of the rental car. They sat in silence – Natasha behind the wheel and Bruce in the passenger's seat. They've been sitting outside her house for a good twenty minutes. The windows had gotten foggy and the sky began to lighten.

The rain stopped. It's been a half an hour. Only droplets from the leaves fell onto the windshield. Tires on wet tar sound from behind him. He watched the vehicle pull into her driveway, two kids jump out from the back seat and then…

Bruce sucked in a deep breath. "Why did I come?" he muttered.

"You came for closure." Natasha answered and he jumped, almost forgetting that she was even there. "Don't worry – I'll wait right here."

And with that, Bruce left the car to confront a piece of his past.

He caught her carrying in groceries. "Betty?"

She turned. Shock, confusion, fear all raced across her features. "Bruce!"

"Can I help you?" He gestured to the bags. She just set them on the wet porch, staring at him like he was a ghost.

"What are you doing here?!" She hissed. His heart sunk. He began to wring his hands together. Betty, realizing how rude she sounded, shook her head and tried again. "I mean – I didn't expect you to stay in the US. I saw you, well, on the TV and… wow! So, you're part of this crazy team now?"

"Not really my intention, but they kind of… grow on you." Bruce smiled weakly.

"You… You look better." She noticed it; the new color on his cheeks, he wasn't near as thin and his eyes; they weren't so… dead.

"I've been better."

An awkward pause.

"You here to say goodbye?" she asked.

"Yes." Bruce realized. "And to say that I'm happy that you found everything you wanted, things I never could give you. I'm happy for you."

Betty looked at the car; at the red headed woman whose face was illuminated by her cell phone. "I'm happy for you too!"

Bruce followed her gaze and immediately back-pedaled. "Oh, she's no-"

The door swung open. "MOOOOM! ALYSSA IS HOGGIN THE TV!"

"I should go." Betty gathered her bags.

"Oh, of course, yeah." Bruce stuttered. "Take care, Betty…" He walked away. He settled into the car, the slam of the door sending rain drops flying.

"How'd it go?" Natasha pocketed her cell phone.

"She thinks you're my new girlfriend." Bruce chuckled harshly, not really finding it funny at all. He thought he would feel better, but now he's just upset. Not dangerously, but enough to put a damper on things.

Natasha laughed until she noticed his expression. She sobered instantly, fingering the key chain handing from the ignition. "Are you hungry?"

Bruce buckled up. "Ravenous."

* * *

"I could tell…" Bruce swirled a French fry in ketchup. "She wanted to chew me out. It ended explosively, but then again, all things end explosively with me."

"Relationships are overrated. People were never meant to love. It just brings around unnecessary pain. There's so many things could go wrong." Natasha shrugged. "I always say that love is for children."

"They aren't bad when it's under normal circumstances. I don't think 'green rage monsters' qualify as normal." Bruce reasoned.

Natasha shook her head while sipping her coke. "Even under normal circumstances, there is domestic abuse, adultery, the stress of children and money… You would be better off alone."

Bruce winced. He'd witnessed those things before. "Where would you be under normal circumstances?"

Natasha considered his question while chewing her burger. "I don't know." She gnawed on her lip, trying to come up with an answer. "Dead." She decided.

"That's… harsh." Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"My parents died when I was young. If I had never been trained in the Red Room, I doubt I would have survived. Russia is not kind to orphans."

"No, you have that ability, that survival instinct. You would have found a way." Bruce insisted.

"Well," She studied a fry, avoiding his intrigued gaze. "I'd be a dancer. A poor, starving ballerina."

"Really?"

"No." Natasha laughed. "I'm a bit too tall and… broad. I'm not slender or petite."

"You're a liar." He teased, while crumpling his napkin. "Under normal circumstances, I'd be with her. If my project hadn't failed so miserably, she would have never left me. I wouldn't have had to run."

"That bad, huh?"

"Of course." Bruce smiled dryly. Self deprecating humor – it was his specialty.

"We better go. Stark might cry if I don't get his toy back soon. It's a good 3 hour flight."

He followed her out of the diner, back to the rental car, back to the uncomfortable confines of the helicopter. But Bruce felt better. Like a weight had been lifted from his chest. Maybe she was right; all he needed was a little closure.

"Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, you know, for almost squishing you."

"I was wondering when you would do this." She responded. "Seriously, Dr. Banner. I have been chased and nearly squished by worse things."

"We're cool, then?" He began to wring his hands together.

"Cool? You have been hanging out with Stark too much."

Bruce laughed. "His influence knows no bounds."

Closure. He should work on that. Maybe even suggest it to Tony.

Yeah… right…

* * *

_This chapter was not my best. And it is late. And for all of that, I'm very sorry. The Natasha and Bruce scenes were just begging to be written, and I would have been really bored with an entire chapter of fluffy doggy stuff. Don't worry! Batdog will appear more throughout the story._


	10. Hulking About

**Time-Bomb**

**Summary **– With the Alien invasion over and there literally being no place for the Avengers to stay, the Stark home in Malibu is prepared to house "Earth's Mightiest Hero's" Now that the future of the Earth is no longer on their shoulders, they must work to gain team chemistry and deal with their issues while trying _not _to kill Tony Stark.

**A/N** – An exciting and long anticipated chapter! Enjoy. :)

**Disclaimer** – _The Avengers_ and all affiliated characters, scenes and events belong to Marvel and not I.

* * *

Chapter Ten: Hulking About  
_I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster_

* * *

It was lunchtime. Stark and Banner were actually _joining_ them.

"Whoa… I honestly forgot that you two even knew what lunch was." Clint joked.

Tony stuck his tongue out in a childish and truly Stark-like manner. "Hunger does not bring me here today, my friends." Tony sighed, "I'm BORED." He flailed his arms in emphasis. Tony climbed up on to a bar stool and pouted angrily. "I've never _not_ had something to do before. This is a disaster."

"Your science is not providing you with adequate entertainment today?" Thor asked in all seriousness.

"Well it could, but _some _people…" Tony trailed off.

"No, Tony. That would be the stupidest of your stupid ideas." Bruce said, helping himself to the enormous pot of Mac & Cheese.

"Oh, come on!"

"What? What sort of stupidity is Stark up to now?" Steve asked.

"I have a theory –" Tony started.

"He wants to provoke the Other Guy." Bruce interrupted. "I do not consent."

"But my _theory_!" Tony stressed.

"What theory?"

"Okay," Tony started, excitement rekindled. "I believe that Bruce and the Hulk work more as a team when he voluntarily transforms, like at the battle. He's more volatile when he involuntarily transforms because the Hulk feels threatened, like at the Helicarrier attack. I believe the Hulk can learn. We just need to expose ourselves to a threatened Hulk and prove to him were not a threat."

"Which is a stupid and dangerous idea." Bruce added.

"Just consent! Please." Tony begged.

Natasha shook her head, "But then it wouldn't be involuntary. It's redundant." Natasha continued at their confused expressions. "If Dr. Banner consents, then he would be agreeing to the change, therefore it would be voluntary."

Tony's face fell. "Your logic hurts my feelings."

"Just give it up Tony; I would never consent to something so volatile and dangerous." And with that, Bruce walked away from his friend, unable to put up with it any longer.

"Well then," Tony scoffed. "Fine. According to Natasha, I don't need your consent anyways!" And so Tony began to formulate a plan.

"Um… Tony?" Clint asked from his perch on Tony's roof. He was a couple stories up, waiting above the deck door leading to the pool. "I'm not sure this will even work." He peered into the metal tub Tony had given him. It was filled with icy water.

"Of course it will!" Tony adjusted his bracelet technology on his wrists. "But if it doesn't, we'll just end up with a soaked and freezing Banner." Tony looked up the archer. "Wouldn't that piss you off?"

"Um, yes, but… don't you think he's going to be a bit suspicious if you're involved?" Clint dipped a finger in the ice water and shuddered. _Damn that is cold_.

"That's why I'm not involved. I'll be out of his sight range." Tony said patiently. "You know the plan, Darcy will lead him out here and you just dump the bucket on his head. It should provide enough of a shock that the Hulk will come out to play."

"Yeah, okay." Clint shrugged and with that, Tony disappeared from his sight, leaving Clint to question whether or not Stark knows morals… or what a bad idea is. This can't end to bad… right?

* * *

"Look at you, all locked up in this musty lab." Darcy trilled.

"It's not musty. It's sterilized." Bruce countered, not even looking up from the stream of data on the screen. "And I'm not locked up either, obviously, because you found me."

"That I did, so, phew!" Darcy pretended to cough. "I can practically taste the chemicals in here."

No response from Bruce.

Darcy tried again. "You know what I like to do when the stench of science gets to be too much?"

"Where are you going with this, Darce?"

"Go on a walk with me. Outside. We only got, like, two more weeks here and you haven't spent _near_ enough time on the beach." Darcy was seriously hoping this would work. She had been living with the Avengers all summer; no arrows have been shot, no Mjolnir strikes, Hulk-outs or Stark suits. Which is why she agreed to this stupid plan.

"Really? A walk?"

"Well, yeah! Sand in between your toes, sunset in the distance, the possibilty of a tan. I'm sure you'll find it all very… relaxing." Darcy smiled. _God dammit, stop stalling Banner! _

"I suppose. It's gonna take another hour or so for these reaction simulations to synthesize. Jarvis, you'll alert me once we've reached a result?"

"Of course, Doctor."

Darcy and Bruce walked side by side and once they reached the door, Darcy had to put serious effort into not looking up. She turned around, walking backwards, and like she had hoped he would, the shy Dr. Banner slowed down. She was out of the splash zone.

The shocking cold caused him to suck in a deep breath of air, which only led to him inhaling water. The cement darkened ominously as the water puddled at his feet. He clutched his head as though he had a horrible and sudden migraine.

It was the most horrifying thing she's had to witness so far.

He began to shake – Though Darcy wasn't sure if it was the cold water or the impending transformation causing this. He fell to his knees as his skin rapidly changed green. Then he began to grow; horrible popping noises, as though his joints were breaking apart as he grew taller, wider and more muscular.

Everything seemed to stop for a moment, and then with a feral and furious snarl, the last bits of Bruce Banner disappeared.

"Hey! Big guy! You made it!" The voice sounded strained and metallic. Darcy whirled around to find herself nearly face-to-mask with Iron Man. She almost wanted to laugh. This was crazy! Iron Man and Hulk were going to have a superhero Best Friend pow-wow!

"_METAL MAN TRICK HULK!" _

Or not.

With another roar, the Hulk grabbed Iron Man by his left leg and tossed him like a rag doll. "Shit." Clint cursed from the roof.

However, Stark was at home in his suit. Granted he did not expect to be tossed like the Hulk's plaything, but he was prepared for it. He caught himself mid-flail with his repulsors jet. Darcy was in fangirl heaven.

"Whoa! Hey, c'mon big guy, I just wanted to hang out with you!" Stark was tossed again.

"_Hulk SMASH tricksters!" _

Darcy was aware that the situation at hand was probably very dangerous, and she was also considering the pros of running the opposite direction. She was also considering taking a video with her phone and posting it to facebook. However, while her mind was screaming "_run!", _she knew that running would cause more harm than good. If she ran, the Hulk would probably just perceive her as the threat.

"Great beast! We mean you no harm!" And here comes the rest of the crew. Asgardian armor, the Star Spangled Man with a Plan, and (looking all too sexy – and lethal) the Black Widow.

"Stark! Of all your stupid ideas!" Steve shouted.

"Yeah, thanks Cap! A little help would be nice!" Hulk currently had Iron Man by both his ankles and was shaking him violently.

Hulk finally seemed to notice his approaching teammates. He dropped the Iron Ass with little interest and growled at them threateningly.

_"Puny god._" Hulk spat.

Thor grinned. "Have at thee… beast."

It became very clear that Hulk didn't like Thor and his magical Mjolnir. Thor didn't seem to care for Hulk either. It was a pretty matched fight at first, but Hulk had huge, monstrous hands and he plucked Thor and tossed him around until a glistening Shield made contact with his head. Captain America didn't handle Hulk-punches as well as Thor did. An arrow embedded itself into the Hulks arm with a sickening thunk. Hulk roared and ripped the arrow from his skin.

"Hulk; Stand down!" Black Widow had her gun trained at the Hulks head – as if that would stop him.

"No!" Suddenly, Darcy Lewis put herself between thee Hulk and a trained Russian spy with a gun leveled for her head. And, strangely so, she didn't care. "Don't shoot him!"

"Darcy, get out of there!" Clint shouted from where Captain America was struggling to get up.

"Please move, Miss Lewis, we have this under control." Black Widow spoke coolly and professionally.

"If you attack him, it'll just make him mad!" Darcy held her hands up in a placating matter. "Please." Suddenly, hot and moist air fanned across her neck. Darcy squawked in protest as she turned to face the Hulk.

A strangely curious expression had replaced the anger on his face. It looked out of place, like he wasn't meant to be curious. And he was _sniffing_ Darcy. "Hey there…" Darcy stated lamely.

The Hulk pulled away with a low grunt.

_What on earth do you say to the Hulk when you first meet him? _"I'm Darcy." And she held out her hand as though he would shake it and introduce himself as the Hulk. Unbelievably, he did move as though they would shake on it. He raised his arm, large beefy fingers uncurling from a fist and _holy shit she's actually gonna touch the Hulk_.

He completely bypassed her outstretched hand and scooped her up King Kong style. Instantly, the Avengers protested. Thor wielded Mjolnir, a gun clicked and was aimed, and the repulsors whined as they warmed up.

"Drop the girl!"

Hulk did not agree with this.

And suddenly she was flying. All she could do was clutch his neck and close her eyes and pray she didn't die. It might have been peaceful to be in the Hulk's arms; he was so _warm_ and his muscely arms were like a protective casing around her.

Finally the Hulk found a satisfactory cave who knows how far from Malibu. He set Darcy down with such care that she would have been flattered, but Darcy was never one for heights. She stumbled away from the Hulk and vomited her lunch.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No." She heaved one last time and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "I've just never liked roller coasters and that was a rough one." She turned to face Bruce – and immediately looked away. "Whoa, hey there."

"Yeah, I know." Bruce blushed. "The nakedness is a… downside."

Darcy, like Tony, deflected things with sarcasm and flirting. "Oh, no. Not a downside at all." She smirked.

Bruce's blush intensified.

Tony landed on the ledge with a clunk. His face flipped. "Brucey! You're back! I brought you some pants." Tony tossed a pair of sweatpants at the naked man. "Hey, Darce. You don't look so good."

"Hey, Tony. You look a little rough around the edges as well." Darcy acknowledged the state his suit was in.

"Tony, care to explain what happened?" Bruce stood up, hiking his new pants over his rear end.

"Whhhaaatttt?" Tony said in his high pitch I'm-lying-and-you-know-it voice. "Don't look at me!"

* * *

"Hey."

He did not look up at her from behind the numbers and variables. Because he was done. It didn't matter that no one got seriously hurt. It didn't matter that Tony considered the Other Guy's attraction to Darcy a "victory". The apologies didn't matter either.

Sigh. "That was pretty… crazy…"

He still doesn't look at her.

Darcy, of course, is referring to the explosion of feelings that occurred when they returned to Malibu that day. It had been so intense that S.H.I.E.L.D even got involved. Tony claimed the idea as his and sat down for a thorough ass chewing at the mouths of Agent Hill, Bruce, Pepper… and Steve… and Natasha. It was painful to sit through.

Clint hadn't said anything, because he was guilty too. Jane hadn't said anything, because she had been grocery shopping and vowed to stay out of these crazy things. Thor hadn't said anything because he mostly agreed with their stance against Tony.

The ass chewing Darcy could sit through. She could not, however, stand the look on Tony's face when Bruce declared himself as "done" and that is why she is down in the lab experiencing a sense of déjà vu.

"Listen, um… Could you define a word for me?" Darcy tried again. A flicker of something – interest? Curiosity? – flickered across Bruce's face. "I need to know what the word 'done' means."

"Done. Verb. Past tense. As in; finished; completed; or thoroughly fed up with something or _someone_." Bruce began, his voice growing louder with each word. Deep breath. "Now, are we _done _here because I'm feeling a bit _fed up_."

"Oh, goodie, you used it in a sentence for me." Bad attempt at lightening the atmosphere. "So, I'm not one for defending Tony, but, I have come to love the guy in a brotherly way – though don't tell him that, the word 'love' gives him stomach aches. He made the choices he made today under the illusion that he was doing the right thing. And I helped him – out of curiosity and he bought me new shoes. I'm not proud of this."

Silence, but he's stopped writing things, so he's listening.

"We never stopped to think about how you would feel about it. And Tony would deny it through hell and high water, but he looked awful when you said the word 'done'. I am sorry, Bruce.

"You are _not_ done. I may have not known you for very long and I do intend to change that because I think you're cute and you smell nice, but I can tell on the faces of those who have seen you outside of this house that they are shocked. I think it's because you're happy."

He smiles. Its soft, no teeth, and it makes her stomach flutter.

"Beginning." Bruce speaks softly. "Noun. The point in which something starts. Something new."

When they kiss for the first time, it is not passionate, or rough, or full of primal desire even despite the sexual tension Tony has been rudely complaining about. It is simple and almost curious, like they are asking each other a question by moving their lips in a different way; _is this alright, is this okay? _It is as simple as two people starting something new.

* * *

Thanks again for everyone's wonderful support and love!


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